What Have I Been Up To?

I don't know what to write about.
What have I been up to?
It feels like I haven't done a whole lot, though I'm sure that isn't true.

I'm taking a break from work and start babysitting part time on Monday.
I finished my last final on Wednesday and am going to ENJOY my break from school. Though it feels like I should be doing homework right now.
I filmed my first youtube video in a month.
I participated in a cookie exchange with the other ladies at Synagogue, and got to actually talk to some of them. Speaking of, I learn something new every day about Judaism, and Synagogue is no exception. Every. Day. And I enjoy it. I enjoy learning and living it to the best of my ability.
I finished celebrating Hanukkah, and celebrated my birthday on the fifth.
I helped my family put up the tree, and will be celebrating Christmas with them on Saturday (yes, it's on Saturday).
We're all currently broke in this house, and I'm trying very hard to put my trust in YHWH; so far it's making a huge difference. I'm reminded every day that He's in control, and the rare occasions that he allows me to experience life with me in control don't go very well. I'm glad He's in control - I have no idea what I'm doing.
I realized today that I'm frustrated with America's (the World's?) ignorance, and happiness to remain ignorant. I mean, sure, everyone is happy, but does that matter if you're SO IGNORANT that you can't see the Truth around you?
(Side Note: This is not a jab at anyone or anything in particular; just stating my feelings on the matter.)
I'm getting the itch for adventure, and finally get to go to the Planetarium tomorrow. I can't wait to spend the day staring at stars.
I went to the Botanic Gardens earlier in the week, but wasn't there long. I got plenty of pictures though, as did Mason, so that's cool.
I made pancakes for the first time ever, so that was awesome.

I'm still just taking life as it comes, and trying to find YHWH's (or G-d's) plan for me.
That's all I can do, really. And I'm fine with that : )




New things happening!

1) I went to San Antonio with Kimmi last weekend and we had a blast. We drove there on Friday and got to sit in a ton of traffic (after my freakout at the Vallets) once we got there. We got to hang out with Kimmi's boyfriend Drew that night, which was super awesome. And I got glowy swords. Sweeet. On Saturday we used the free Wifi in the lobby to attend the Synagague service via the internet, went to Subway, a dive and dime, walked along the Riverwalk and went everywhere we could (the Alamo, the Mall, the fancy restaurant in our hotel, down the Riverwalk until we realized there was no turning-back point...), then went back to the hotel to chill for awhile. We went to the fancy hotel lobby for dinner and went for a walk to see San Antonio lit up that night. After the walk we went to the lobby for awhile so I could Skype with Mason, and we went to bed around midnight (after forcing ourselves to turn off "We are the Titans" before it got too sad). Sunday we packed up and headed back home to face another day of adventure!

2) I got to see Rae last Wednesday (instead of going to classes) and the Sunday we got back (for her daughter's birthday party). I missed a lot of the party (most of it, actually), but was able to see the birthday girl and my life-long friends for awhile.

3) Mason was out of town for a week and I finally got to see him Sunday, and have seen him every day this week. I really missed him and am glad to have him back home : )

4) I was fired from my job because of a wrong that couldn't be righted. It wasn't my fault; I still maintain that I'm innocent - but could not prove that I was. I'm taking some time off to finish the semester, and may start looking for work after it's over.

5) School is winding down, and my last day is the fifteenth. FINALLY!

6) My birthday is today (the fifth of December) and so far it just feels like any other day. We'll see what happens, though.

7) I'm celebrating Hanukkah for the first time ever, and it's really neat. I like having to take time to light candles and visit with family by Candlelight. I like participating in the Shabbat dedication service, and feeling like I belong in the Jewish faith. It's nice, and I can't wait to experience the last four days of Hanukkah.

I think that's it in a nutshell.
Obviously i didn't go into details; we would be here way too long if I did.
I'll write soon!



Letter 3, Parents

Dear mom and dad,

You did your best to raise me. Despite the sicknesses that both of you had while I grew up, you actually did a decent job. From the time I could crawl to ten-years-old, you both put on a united front and raised a cautious individual. Mom took over as both parents eventually, molding me into a responsible, sheltered, kind, and honest human being. Dad, you came back on the tale end of that and only got to observe the work that she did in those crutial seven years; I'm sorry for that, but the fault is yours.

Mom... I could not have made it without you. I know this for a fact; I would be a far worse person if I didn't have you. Or your entire side of the family, really. You all came together to raise two exceptional (though challenged in a few areas) young women, and I think you should all be very proud. Anyway, thank you for everything you've done. I do appreciate it, even though I'm at a point in my life that I have to start changing and molding to become my own human being. I may let you down, but in all honesty I feel that it's about time - I can't always please you, or stay the same.

Dad... I wish I had you. I wish that you could have been the typical dad who threated boyfriends with a baseball bat and shotgun if they even thought about bringing me home past curfew. I wish that our relationship wasn't so shattered that we're awkward around each other. I wish I didn't fear you for so long, and I wish that the bits and pieces of that fear that remain would go away. When it comes to you I wish for a lot of things that I can't change. I've come to terms with it now (for the most part), and am just grateful that you entered my life when you did. I'm glad you got to see me march in high school, which was my passion for all four years that I was there. I'm happy that you got to see me graduate and be the proud father that you wish you could have been all those years. I hope we continue to be in each other's lives as time goes on, and I hope that eventually we're close enough not to have to walk on eggshells around each other.

Both of you... I love you. So much. I may not like you one hundred percent of the time, or agree with you, or even find you good company (on rare occasions), but I do love you both. I do enjoy having you both in my life, and I do enjoy the times we share. I hope that times get better for the both of you, and that I'm able to help you both cope with what's to come as best as I can.

I love you.
- Kimbra



Life is good.

It is currently Thanksgiving (as I’m typing this… maybe not so much when I’m able to post it), and I’ve realized (yet again) that I am very blessed.
I had the pleasure of talking to Mason until the early hours of the morning and sleeping in until noon.
I woke up and stumbled out to the living room in my pajamas, saying hello to the other members of my family (who, as usual, woke up before me).
I sat out on the couch, eating mini muffins and waking up, and got dressed once the rest of the family arrived.
I heard Owen say “Where’s Kimbra?” before heading back to the living room and giving him a big hug. I visited with my family quite a bit, as is customary on Thanksgiving, and actually enjoyed it immensely. I can’t tell you every moment, but I can tell you a few that made me realize how much I truly do love my family.
While Ethan was watching a movie, Uncle Eldon changed the channel to a football game. Detroit and New England were playing, and Ethan exclaims “But I don’t like either of these!”
My grandma amused Lotus with her voice microphone, and she smiled and laughed to the noise it made when Mamaw pressed the button.
Rachel was holding Lotus and making her dance by moving her arms, and mom was waiting to be passed the baby. She fell asleep while waiting, her arm still extended expectantly.
I pretended to kick Owen in the head and then karate chop him (while he was sitting in the floor), and he fell back pretending to writhe in pain.
The prayer. My family says a blessing every year before we ate, Thanking God (G-d to me) for the food He provided and for bringing us together. My Uncle Byron said it today, and it was quite honest and heartfelt.
Eating the food. The turkey was the best I’ve ever had, and the dessert table called my name so loudly that I had to come back for a second plate just for dessert. I couldn’t eat it all, mind you, but I liked it.
I took an hour long nap after eating while Rachel and Owen watched “The Wizard of Oz,” but they didn’t get very far. They left and let me sleep.
After I woke up from my nap my uncle started talking to me about calendars and was extremely excited that I bought so many. He needed them for his house and was giddy that there was a stack sitting there. I let him keep most of them, and plan on purchasing a pocket one for him and a few more for my household.
I joined the kids and my aunt at the river and popped in on the relatives down there, and we got to see the animals again. I got pictures of most of them which will be up on Facebook soon.
Uncle Byron pretending my grandma’s microphone was a “Mr. Microphone” and talking into it.
The Cowboys game, which is ever present in EVERY house down here. No matter who we go see, they have the game playing in their living room, taking breaks from the conversation to comment on a play that was just made.
Wrestling with Ethan.
Mamaw, Byron, Ethan and I playing Dominoes and, sadly, losing against the guys.
My family picking on each other.
We only have a few hours left to be together, which is almost saddening. I wish I could stay longer, but can’t because I have work at 5:30 in the morning.
I’m thankful for a lot of things this year - my family, my closer friends, Mason, waking up to live each day, safe travel, a break from work and school, and time to experience everything. There is more, but if I sit here for much longer I may miss time with my family.

As for a quick update:
I’m going to San Antonio this weekend with Kimmi, and we’re going to have a blast.
I got to see Rae and her husband and kids, and I met her son for the very first time. He’s precious, and her daughter is adorable. We didn’t do a lot, but I’m grateful that I got some time to spend with her; I really missed her. I’m hoping to see her Sunday for her daughter’s birthday party, which is from one to four in the afternoon. Hopefully Kimmi and I are able to make it.
I told Rae about my conversion, and she didn’t know what to think, but said that as long as I’m happy she’s happy for me. And she could tell by looking at me that I am happy. “You look happier than I have seen you in a very long time,” she said. “I like it.”
Mason has been gone all week but will be back on Sunday. I had a hard time with the separation at first and didn’t think I could make it to Sunday, but now that it’s Thursday I’ve come to terms with it and am just counting down the days until I get to be in his arms again. I really miss him, and honestly can’t wait to see him.

Okay, I’m going to go. I don’t want to miss the ending of the game, even though we’re losing.
I’ll write soon!
Happy Thanksgiving! And I hope you’re life is going well!



Letter 2, Crush (Or Boyfriend, in my case)

Dear Mason,

Where to begin?

We've known each other for almost a year, and have been dating since August. I consider every day with you an adventure, and I've enjoyed every moment that we've spent together. I look forward to more time together to create more memories and go on many more adventures (Like, dragon slaying. Or. To Six Flags. Or. Food places. Or. Something).

Through our time together I've come to value you more than you could possibly fathom (or you might "fathom," since I tell you almost every day). Every day I think of something about you that I love - your eyes, your smile, your sense of humor, your arms and hands, your passion for scripture, your voice, and how patient, kind and understanding you are when it comes to me (to name a few things). Every day I realize just how much I truly do care for you, and thank Him for sending you to me. As of late I'm praying that you have a good time on your trip and are able to make it home safely; I can't wait to have your arms around me again, to hold your hand, or to kiss you.

You truly are an amazing human being, and I am truly blessed to have you in my life.
I love you.

- Kimbra


Letter 1, Best Friend

Dear Best Friend(s),

As you know, I don't have just one of you. I have a few of you, and for that I consider myself extremely blessed. I hold all of you in my heart equally close, and couldn't imagine my life without a single one of you.

We've most likely been friends for awhile, ranging from one year to twelve, and have many memories together. Remember when we met? I can remember the time I met each one of you. Of all of the times we've gotten together and of all of the memories we've shared, I hold this one closest to my heart. It's the beginning of everything - the beginning of the sleepovers, movie nights, few petty fights, tearful nights, many moments of driving, gaming nights, six flags trips, band trips, concerts, chior tours, botanic garden adventure, creek walking, and anything else you could possibly consider an adventure. Without that one moment in time, we wouldn't know each other. And for that moment in time, I am greatful.

I honestly can't wait to create more memories with y'all. I can't wait to see you, to laugh with you, to cry with you, to (God forbid) fight with you, high five you, dance with you... whatever the case may be. And honestly... I hope it's soon.

Much Love,
Kimbra, Kimmie, Kim


Holy Crap, Where Did the Time Go?

I'm not sure what I left you with.
I think I tried to be my usual bubbly self and leave you with a detailed account of my life.
And then I left.

I've been super busy with work, school, homework, Mason and what friends I manage to see.
I still manage to have a ton of fun despite being super busy.
My family misses me, and I feel bad about it a lot of the time. Most of the time I can't help it.
I tried doing NaNoWriMo, and may quit. I can't find time to write at all.
We're watching Whale Wars, and Mason and Rachel are debating about it. It's nice, actually; they get along enough to debate and still be friends. Awesome.
I met Mason's family, the vast majority of them, and I really like them.
We're in an actual real-life relationship, which is awesome.
My laptop crashed and I didn't have it for two weeks, so it's been rough trying to do the ton of homework I need to do and keep up with social networking stuff.
I attended Synagogue last Saturday on Shabbat and liked it; Mason and I are going back tomorrow. I may or may not go the next Saturday - I don't want to go alone. Though I probably should since I won't be there the Saturday after that.
I have been extremely tired these past couple of weeks, and don't know why. I eat normally, I sleep normally, and I'm not super active. I went to the doctor last Thursday, and got my blood taken on Tuesday, so maybe we'll find something out soon. I haven't been attending classes because of this (and other reasons, but a lot of this) and had to have a conversation with my PE professor about my absences.

My life is anything but boring lately, which I don't mind one bit. I take each day as it comes and enjoy the day as it happens. I love this method of living. : )



I'm Okay

I'd rather hate you for everything you are,
Then ever love you for something you are not.
I'd rather you hate me for everything I am,
Then have you love me for something that I'm not.
- "Never Enough" by Five Finger Death Punch

I realized that the last thing I posted may have caused you to worry about me.
I'm really fine; honestly.
I go from being apprehensive to being fine to being apprehensive to being fine all of the time, so this is nothing new.
As you can tell, we're still connected via the Internet, so nothing has happened yet.
It's still early on a Monday morning, so it takes everything I can give to be grateful about this fact. : )

The only major events that have happened with the past few days were night One and Two of Freakers Ball, which is a concert almost like Edgefest except for 1) they are hosted by different radio stations and 2) this one was Halloween themed and a TON of people dressed up.
Night one was pretty cool; I took Mason, Rachel and Ben, and we got to jam to Papa Roach, jam to a few Seether songs, and listen to a few Godsmack songs before leaving. We almost got Papa Roach's autograph, and had we not listened to the guy who said that they cut the line we would ALL have it, but alas, that's not how it went. We were disappointed because Mason and I are almost life-long fans of Papa Roach, but oh well; at least we got to see him play. And I got a t-shirt that I'm wearing at this precise moment. Heck yes.
On the way home we stopped by Walmart for a ton of fruit that Rachel and I haven't had before (Mason is compiling a list of foods I haven't tried and asking me to try them - most are fruits and veggies), and I ended up liking a lot of what we purchased. I like peaches, plums, strawberries, and pears. What? Who am I?

Night two was just Mason and I, and we saw Murderdolls (who I had NEVER heard anything by before this; they were decent), Alice Cooper (who put on a good show, yet I was falling asleep during his set. I need to have blood work done soon to see what's up with that), and ROB FREAKIN' ZOMBIE! Rob Zombie was the entire reason we were there, so we were pretty pumped when he finally got on stage. Mason and I stood up and jammed to his awesome music the entire time he was up there, and left with everyone else when his set ended. I went in search of a gas station because my low fuel light came on, and we stopped by Arbys for food and WalMart for plums on the way home. By the time we got to Walmart, Ham and Cheddar was everywhere, and I kept finding more cheddar as we made our way back to my house.
We got home at Midnight, said hey to my sister, I ate half of a plum, and Mason and I went back to my room. We went to sleep fairly soon afterward, because we were both exhausted.

I worked both Saturday (morning) and Sunday (night), and those shifts went alright. I'm off today, work tomorrow and wednesday night, have Thursday off, and then I'm not sure what happens. I need to double check my schedule.

Mmkay, now that we're back to the normal bloggy format, I shall leave you once more.
I'll be back soon, G-d willing.



So Much

There are a lot of things happening that I don't feel comfortable talking about.
Like that there is a pending solar storm that could knock out all communication and electronics, and that there is way more that goes along with that. I'm just preparing for the worst and hoping for the best when it comes to this; I'm prepared to enter a survival mode of sorts, but I'm hoping that it doesn't come to that.

Mason and I are doing well; we went out on a date to "Genghas Grill" last night and had THE most wonderful food EVER. I'm really happy that he got to take me there; it was a great experience with an amazing person. Also, our waitor charged my food as a kid's meal instead of an adult meal, which was awesome, considering it was pretty expensive.
There are other things that go along with us doing well, but of course I'm keeping that private. I've told a grand total of three people, and will most likely not tell any more than that. If I tell anyone else, it will be Rae, who I tell everything and anything.
Currently I'm sitting in the downstairs portion of the Library waiting on Mason to return from Upstairs; he's printing articles so that he has hard copies of them. I will be doing the exact same thing very soon (later today, perhaps tomorrow), as soon as I transfer my writing to my laptop, email it to myself, and print it off at the Library (most likely around home).

I'm learning a lot of new things when it comes to what I believe/d, and it all points to one general idea: Everything that I've believed was a lie. It's fine, really; I'm not freaking out about it. it all makes perfect sense to me, and I shall be accepting the Truth very soon.

Classes are going well; I'm finally to a point where I can take a day or so off from homework, which I need. I've been doing homework every night/every other night for the past week, and am frankly sick of it.

And I'm off. I'm sorry that it's been so long, and that this post is not as in depth as usual.
I'll write soon, I hope.

Love you.



A Week? Really?

I didn't realize that I left this blog, without even checking on it, for a week.
I'm surprised that it didn't die of starvation or thirst or go crazy wondering where I was...
Poor bloggy blog.
Shh... Momma's here...

... That was weird.

There is too much to update on to go detail by detail, so I'll try to spare you a lot of them.

I went to classes this week and we've started working out in PE, which is good because I no longer feel bored when I go.
Math is still hard.
Creative Writing has gotten harder because we've switched to poetry which I am not so very good at (we have a poem due tomorrow, actually... wonder what the guidelines are... Hmmm...).
Government is easy, though we took our second test in there on Friday; I think I killed the essay, so that's good.
Speech is getting harder because we're preparing for our very first speech, which I am apprehensive about yet wanting to get over with.

Mason and I played hookie from classes on Wednesday and spent the entire day just hanging out, talking, being together, and we watched "Dan in Real Life" before I went to work. It was a great day, and I'm happy to have gotten to experience that with him.
Speaking of, we finally entered into the OFFICIAL relationship stage, which is nice, and have said and done a few things that go along with that that I am not getting into (because these things are for us only, of course).
I met his sister, her husband and his Papaw recently, which was nice, and I met his dad yesterday. I drove out there after grabbing my novel from John, and had a great day and a half over there. We played video games, watched the Rangers win, had a steak dinner, played more video games (Left 4 Dead II, F.E.A.R II, Halo ODST, Assassins Creed, but not in that order (and I only played the zombie one)), went to bed, woke up, had a good lunch, and I had to come home because I work today.
I really like him. A lot. And I'm very happy and blessed to have found him.

Work is the same as usual; no new drama to report. We had to sign a contract that said we will not talk badly about he company or fellow coworkers on ANY social networking website, and listed all of them by specific name, which I thought was funny and up with the times.

I'm going to work in about fifteen minutes, and Mason will be coming over later on tonight.

So far I'm just living and trying to remember to document certain situations and things and not doing a very good job. Most of it I don't feel I can talk about in an online blog because it's too personal, so I may need to take up journaling. We'll see.

Okay, I'm out of here.
I'll update soon : )



Feeling Great

Last night around eleven o' clock, I received a text from Mason that had three words: "I miss you." I awwwwwwh'd of course; one can't help but feel special and think their significant other is cute when they receive that. So I replied with "I miss you too. Get your butt over here when you get home safely."
And around 12:30 a.m., he was on my doorstep and hugging me.
We chatted with my mom for awhile before heading to bed; I heard about his trip and what took place within these last couple of days.
Kimmi texted me as we were getting snuggly and shared a great piece of information with me that makes me really happy for her. I'm glad things are working out in her favor, and that she's found someone who is, most certainly, worth her time. I spent a few minutes texting with her before getting distracted by other things.
Of course, this is where I leave off and say "and then Mason and I went to sleep."

This morning I had a hard time pulling myself out of bed, but I did it. I did my hair, applied eye makeup, put on workout clothes for PE, said goodbye to Mason and drove to campus, making it to class just in time.
Government was easy as usual, and I've had a free hour to do whatever I want (working on the Diet Analysis Project for PE). I listened to music via Youtube, facebooked, and now here I am.

Right now I'm feeling really good with how my life is going. Aside from the occasional BS at work, things are going really well. I'm getting back in touch with God, or discovering YHWH... I can't decide which is happening yet. I met Mason's family and liked the members that I've met so far, and they seemed to like me just fine. I was further reminded how lucky, or blessed, I am to have Mason and Kimmi and my family as apart of my life; I really, truly, am, and I couldn't ask for better people to share my life with me.

I know, I'm mushy and happy and sentimental... these things happen.
I'll get back to the mundane later : )



A Very Busy Week

I know I've been scarce the past week, but it's only because I've been extremely busy.

Tuesday I did the whole work thing, but I'm not sure which shift. I think it was during the day, and I took a nap that afternoon, and woke up around 6 p.m. Kimmi came over that night, and we went and got Subway. Amanda called while she was here, so I invited her over and we had a girls' night of sorts. We went to WalMart eventually and I ended up buying an office set (desk, filing cabinet thing, mini-book shelf), and we built the cabinet/shelf. I filmed videos of both indeavors, and only posted the shelf one because the cabinet one was entirely too long. The girls left around eleven/midnight, and I ended up going to Mason's friend's house to hang out around, like, one or two. I watched them all play Halo Reach and wrote a quick essay that I forgot about. After awhile we excused ourselves and went to sleep, because it was late and we were really tired.

Wednesday I woke up super early, got ready, bid Mason goodbye, and drove to campus, stopping at Jack in the Box on the way (which was a huge mistake; tooo much food).
Classes went decently that day. PE was my favorite; we had the option of working out on the cardio machines or walking around our track in the beautiful weather. I walked outside while listening to my iPod, and did the designated stretches when I got inside. Everything else that day was relatively normal, though I did fall asleep in speech class during a lecture about our upcoming project; I dropped my papers, causing my friend in there to nudge me every few minutes after realizing that I fell asleep.
Ah, college.
When I got home, I'm sure I napped for awhile.
I have no idea what I did with the rest of this day, actually.
Whether or not I went to the house that Mason was sitting or what.
I'm sure I did at some point; I was over there off and on all week, though I tried to keep my distance so that the boys could have their time.
Pretty sure I slept over at the house, though; I may have watched video game play and did math homework.
Actually, that may have been the night that Mason's friend sat with me talking about my Math assignment until I finished it; he tried to help to the best of his ability, which was awesome.

Thursday I woke up early, came home, crawled into my bed, and slept until noon.
I woke up, showered, started my laundry, picked Rachel up from the swimming pool, waited on Mason and his friend to arrive, got everyone loaded into the car, and we were on our way to my grandma's.
The drive there was nice, and mom was nice enough to stop for food on the way.
Upon arrival, we said hello to my uncle and walked to the river since the sun was shining.
We said hello to the paint horse down there, and visited a couple of relatives.
Eventually we were allowed to go back to where ALL of the animals are (chickens, goats, sheep, pigs, a GOLIATH pig, roosters, and two horses). We pet them for awhile, and went to the dock once we were finished with them.
Uncle Eldon was fishing when we got there, so we each (besides Mason's friend) got to catch a fish (Uncle caught five or six before we got there, so they were biting fairly well before sunset).
We went back to the house and ended up visiting with my grandma a bit, played Dominoes, chatted about Anime (Rachel and Mason's friend's sister are really into it, so he knew about a ton of it).
Mason and I went outside for a bit to look at the stars and be mushy, and went inside after a little bit because I was cold.
After chatting more, we left around 10:30 and headed home.
I spent the night at the other house that night, and after rewriting a stupid Government essay that I didn't remember the prompt to, Mason and I went to sleep. We stayed up for a bit longer comparing the Bible to the Torah, because the desire to do so has been weighing heavily on my mind for about a week. I thought it would go away, but it didn't; the desire to compare and learn more eats at me. I was struck by the idea randomly during PE, and am being steered more and more toward the Torah as the most reliable source of "Biblical" information. I'm interested in seeing where this path takes me.
After that we basically went to sleep.

Friday I woke up super early for classes, got a honey butter chicken biscuit from Whattaburger, and drove to campus.
Classes seemed really long this particular day, though I only had four as opposed to the usual five.
When I got home, Mason came over and napped with me, then we went to get his friend from a college campus (after stopping for ChikFillet). We drove there, found his friend, and drove home. We spent a few hours over at the friend's house being silly and watching them play "Soul Calibur IV." Then they switched to Halo Reach, and it was time for Mason and I to leave.
Upon arriving home, I made room to rearrange my furniture, moved things around, set up my desk, filing cabinet and shelf, put things on them and in them, moved my desktop in here (it's fixed, by the way, thanks to Kimmi) (Mason helped with the furniture, of course), showered, did laundry, and settled in on the couch between Rachel and Mason to watch him play F.E.A.R.
That game is creepy. I don't care who you are, or what you say; it's scary. Watching men who were reduced to creatures skitter around on all fours, like spiders, and kill things isn't anything less than terrifying at two a.m.
We went to bed really late, and woke up early the next morning.

Yesterday morning, I followed Mason to his sister's house, rode with him to CVS then Subway (where we all proceeded to eat some food, obviously), and eventually ended up driving us out to his Papaw's. We spent the morning and early afternoon tearing apart tree limbs, putting them into piles and stacking wood for firewood. We left around 2:10, drove back to his sister's, said goodbye, and I hauled ass to work.
I was five minutes late, but clocked in ten minutes late due to having to change clothes (or pants, rather. I changed my shirt in the car by putting my work one over my t-shirt and taking my t-shirt off from underneath). After counting the drawer, the other FES was free to leave, and I took over. This shift was almost flawless; we had three cashiers and two floor people. One of the cashiers helped with go-backs, and I was able to close all of the registers by 9:30. The others got to leave at 9, when we closed. I came home, took some time to myself, did a math assignment that took almost two hours, dealt with drama here, and visited with Mason for a bit before saying goodbye to him and laying down to write this post.

Today I woke up at 8:45 a.m. in order to be at work by 10. I trained a new guy today on the register, and it seemed to go pretty well. I was able to show him the eccentric side of my personality toward the end, since I started to wake up. The register started encountering problems toward the end of my shift, and I'm not sure how that turned out. I left at three thirty, slept until 5:36, and woke up to John calling and saying "Hey punk ass, wake up. I'll be there in twenty minutes." I dragged myself out of bed, got dressed, and started my math assignment that is due in two hours. When he got here he said "Turn the TV on. The Cowboys are playing. It's fourth quarter." The odd part is that I thought to turn the game on, but thought it was over and done with; apparently it wasn't. The Cowboys lost because of some very stupid mistakes that makes the fans want to strangle them; I had my jersey t-shirt on and changed directly after their stupid loss. John went up to WalMart with me, where I purchased razer blades, and I swung by Burger King for his dinner. He was here for about an hour after we got back, and took his leave so that he could do some homework. I showered after watching "The Amazing Race," and ate dinner after that. Now I'm contemplating what I'm going to write my prose poem over, and how I'm going to go about writing it; I'm not a fan of writing poetry at all, so this is going to be FUN.

Alrighty, I'm finally caught up.
I'll write soon : )



It's About That Time, Eh Chaps?

So I don't know what to update you on and what not to update you on.

I think I left out a few things in previous updates.
Like all of the clumsy accidents I've been having.
I tripped on a HUGE crack in the sidewalk recently and almost faceplanted. Luckily all I did was trip and people behind me laughed. I felt like turning around and saying "You think that was good? Wait 'til I fall down these stairs."
Or that time I hit my head on this new sign that we have at work.
Or the time that I ran four carts into one of the sliding doors at work and took it off of it's track thing (happened tonight).
Or that time that I burned myself with my straightener (earlier this morning).
Or that time that I broke a glass and cut myself a bit on that stupid piece of glass that fell off.
I don't know of any other examples, but I may make this a new segment.
"Clumsy moment of the day."
It'll be at the end of each blog I post.

I've been working quite a bit, and can't wait for my mini-vacation (that starts tomorrow night and ends Saturday sometime).
I'll have a ton of time on my hands, and I honestly can't wait.
That's what I need right now. Time. Time to live and be and think. I don't get enough of that (or, it doesn't seem like I do. I may get more than I realize).

We worked out in PE today and I almost died.
I'm still wheezing from the six minutes of running that we did.
Ben says that's normal, since my lungs aren't used to it, so that's good.
I had to read my story in Creative Writing afterwards, and it was received rather well by the class.
They didn't like my cliffhanger, though. One guy said "Hold up! What happened to mom!? I want to know what happened to mom!"
So I told him.
"Why is he so cold to the kid?"
I told them, and explained the things behind that.
This, my friends, will be my NaNoWriMo work this year. Yes, I've already started bits and pieces, but I have yet to put it together in a novel format.
I'm excited!

I filmed a vlog recently, so you can view that whenever.

I'm hanging out with Kimmi some tomorrow, Amanda later on in the week, going to my grandma's on Thursday, and going to classes slash I don't know on Friday.
Hopefully seeing Mason a couple of times here soon.
It'll be a great few days : )

And that's all I have for you.
I'm too tired to think back to what each day was like.
Just know that I like my life right now. Work is better, and I'm dating this awesome guy, and I have great friends who care about me, and a loving family.
I'm happy, and I like this feeling.




Life Humbles Me

Instead of updating (though I will include something that happened recently), I'm going to take a minute to explain the title.
Or, an entire blog post, which may take longer.

I try to keep my existance pretty low key. I don't draw attention to myself most of the time, with the exception of my youtube videos. I just want to live, do my own thing, be with people I love, do what I absolutely need to do each day, be spontaneous other days, and be lazy when I can. Despite this, life constantly finds ways to remind me that I'm just a person, and that it can be pretty difficult.

I make mistakes. I will be the first to admit that I am only human, and that I am not the least bit perfect. This doesn't bother me at all; in fact, I rather like it. I've heard that trying to be perfect all of the time is a huge burden and I don't feel the slightest need to bring that upon myself. Also, I believe that the only beings that could /possibly/ be perfect are God and His Son. If perfect is inacheieveable, I don't want to work for it.
It is because of these countless mistakes, however, that I am constantly humbled.

I grew up doing actions and receiving consequences.
Don't do what dad asks you to with no arguements? Screaming, followed by some sort of tantrum on his part.
Throw a block at your sister while playing catch and it hits her in the head? Spanking.
Say a cuss word because you heard daddy say it first? Spanking.
Say a worse cuss word in front of your band director in high school as you pass his office? Stern lecture.
Drive too recklessly while your parent is in the car? Get smacked in the face.
Be a pain-in-the-ass teenager? Get kicked out, only to be welcomed home and lectured a few hours later.
Smack your sister? Get threatened with being kicked out, and being carted away by the police.
Drink too much alcohol in one night? Spend half of the day the next day hunched over a toilet and wondering when you will just die already.
Make poor choices in significant others? Grow up thinking that there is something wrong with you personally, and that no one could possibly like you that much, ever. Feel continuously beaten and battered emotionally because of said poor choices. Walk away from religion and spend years trying to figure out if/when you should go back, or whether or not you want to follow the basic principles that religion had to offer.
Have fluffy hair, glasses and braces at the same time? Get picked on up until Freshman year of high school when all three things disappeared.
Don't get a slip signed by a manager at work? Get a piece of paper saying "hey, you did that wrong" and sign it.
Don't pay attention while you're walking up the stairs? Fall UP said stairs, and bruise your left knee (yes, this happened on Monday on my way to take my first Math test).
Don't choose your words carefully? Arguements will surely ensue, as well as hurt feelings.
(Note: All of the above examples are true, and obviously in some cases I deserved the punishment. In others, I did not.)
(Note 2: I've obviously had time to work through the self-esteem/religious issues that are a direct result of some; I'm okay now.)

That very last example is something that got me in trouble yesterday, and honestly I do not feel that I deserved what happened.
There is a manager at work who is up front, honest, blunt, and doesn't hold back many of her thoughts. In other words: We both have the same problem of not having a filter in our brain.
She was being very negative and rude all night long about little things. She griped about what we needed to get done, our customers, her employees, etc.
After a brief lecture while in our breakroom (I was in the back putting something away, started sending a quick text, was talking to one of the other employees, had a huge headache, was feeling nautious, and needed some water after putting the stuff away; she lectured about how breaks and lunches shouldn't happen after 7:30 and how she needed people on the floor and if you weren't on an actual break and still in the breakroom she will write you up), I asked her to "Please stop taking your frustrations out on us."
Needless to say, she did not like that.
She started retaliating over our walkie-talkies, and I made the mistake of being in the back area still when she went to put something away.
The resulting conversation went more or less like this:
"You know what?" she basically shouted, "you can clock out and go home."
"You heard me."
"What? You want your FES to leave in the middle of a shift? Is that what you want?"
"Yes! You have a bad attitude and you need to go home."
Somehow we reached the point of her saying "If you want to stay, put your cell phone away and get to work."
She exited the back, and I went back to the breakroom for a split second before heading back up front to do my job. I should have left, and I wanted to, but that would have reflected badly upon me - when a shift manager sends you home, that is never a good sign to the store manager; they automatically assume that you did something wrong despite your side of the story.
I worked the last two hours with every intention of leaving after I finished counting the registers. The last two hours went decently, and she was nicer than she was the first four.
I was going to do my particular job, and get the Hell out of there and away from this woman. Again, I didn't; that would have reflected poorly on me if I left them hanging.
I helped put scrapbooking go-backs away after I finished, and we all exited the building around 10:30.
(Side note: Mason came over afterward and we had a lovely dinner at IHOP, which made my night so much better. I really like him.)

In this scenario, I could have kept my mouth shut. I should have, probably, in order to avoid what happened. In past experiences, I've learned that keeping your mouth shut doesn't get you into trouble. In this one, I felt that I needed to say something; I can only take so much negativity before I crack. As a result, I was yelled at, which is not okay, but is alright; her fit seemed to pacify her and make her competant enough to do her job and actually care for her employees.

What consequences will result from this? I'm not sure yet. I'll find out today, around 2 p.m. when I go up to work to speak to the store manager. My coworker has already done so, or will do so soon. I've been informed that the shift manager from last night has already made it seem like cell phones were the biggest issue, which is just not the case.
I'm hoping that the store manager will listen to the situation and handle it accordingly. I don't know what he should, or can, do since he's temporary. I will request not to close with her in the future, however, and if he doesn't adhere the request I will ask him to promote someone and I will, eventually, put in my two weeks notice. This job, however much I need it, is not worth being degraded and treated unfairly.

I'm ready to handle anything that happens. All of the punishments and consequences have taught me to expect said punishments and consequences from, really, any action. I've learned to go with the flow and roll with whatever happens. I'll be fine and work with whatever outcome occurs.

Despite the fact that all of these "life lessons" and "humbling experiences" happen, I feel that I'm a better person because of them. I don't resent life, or God (anymore), for handing me these situations. I'm a much better person because of them, and I know that I will come out of this much stronger than going in.



Since Thursday?

I think the last time I updated was Thursday.
Of course there is really no way to remember everything that happened, but I can try my best to update (as always).

Thursday night at work wasn't too bad. We got the "short two people" problem figured out and got out of there at a reasonable time, so that's good.
Mason came over that night, and after sitting on the couch for awhile we went in search of pommagranates. We went to the neighborhood WalMart, where I got a few groceries, and to the big WalMart, where I think I ended up buying something else. We ran into Ryan (or rather, he ran into us, as I was trying to scan ice cream that refused to scan) and talked to him for a few minutes, which was nice.
After arriving home, we were awake for a bit longer and eventually went to bed.

Friday morning we woke up, said goodbye, and I headed to campus for classes. I went to ALL of my classes (I'm trying very, very hard not to skip PE anymore... even though it's a waste of my time so far), and got to come home earlier than usual. After napping for a couple of hours, I called Mason, got ready, got Rachel to get ready, and the three of us headed out to the Botanic Gardens to see some flowers.
We started at the Japanese Gardens, and got some awesome footage and pictures from there. Then we went to the Cactus Garden, then the Trial Garden, and concluded our adventure within the confines of the Rose Garden. We went down a path that branched off of it, and almost got lost in some woods; we only turned back because of a fallen tree and rather large spider that we didn't feel like battling. It was a nice, great day, and I honestly can't wait for more like this.
On the way home we drove to Kroger, while listening to My Chemical Romance, and bought a few pommagranates.
We arrived home to dinner being ready, and spent the rest of the night hanging around the house. We tried the pommagranates, which actually weren't that bad even though they weren't very ripe. I'm not sure what else we did this night, but I do remember going to bed rather late.

Saturday I woke up rather early, said goodbye to Mason, and was at work by 9 a.m. Our district manager was there, and everyone was annoyingly cheery for 9 in the morning. I eventually became annoyingly cheery once I figured out that 1) we get SUPER COOL BUTTONY BUTTONS THAT TALK to press, and 2) that the customers at work aren't going to be invading our personal space anymore. We have room to give the customers in front of us the attention they deserve, go on breaks when we need to, leave in a split instant to use the restroom or get change or register tape... It's nice. I really like the new setup; it's not nearly as stressful as it was. Now if only I can get my manager to cooperate with me on my availability.
As a side note, I am most likely going to step back down and be a normal sales-floor associate. I dislike not being able to pick and choose what days I work, and being told that I can't have a set schedule because we have to work around the Full-Time FES' schedule. I think that it's bullcrap that I can't pick and choose my hours, and almost everyone else in that store can. If he can work with them, why not me? Anyway, if he isn't willing to work with me, I'll have him promote one of the other girls and step back down. I don't mind being a sales floor associate; I was good at that job, and once I memorize where everything else is I'll be good at it again.
Anyway, so that was work.
On the way home, I stopped in to see Miss Lotus Skye, Hannah's new baby girl. Even though she resembles a slightly wrinkly monkey, she is precious. I got to hold her, and she seemed to like me even though she was fussy. I wasn't there for long before I headed home; I wanted to borrow Hannah's camera to upload pictures of the baby onto Facebook for my great Aunt and send it home with Aunt Mary. I saw Ethan and Owen for a bit, did some homework, ate dinner, fell asleep in a chair, and greeted Mason whenever he arrived. I'm not sure what all we did after he arrived, but I'm sure that it involved something thrilling... Like slaying dragons or something.

Sunday, today, I worked from 10 to 2:30. I didn't want to get out of bed, at all, but when I got to work there were BROWNIES. And a couple of guys did the "Wigalo" dance for me, because I had no idea what it was. That made my day : D
I went through the rest of the shift, and it actually went smoothly. I left around 2:30, came home, changed, and went out shopping. I swung by Bath and Body Works and Lane Bryant, enjoying the amazing weather, before coming home. I ended up passing out on the couch, got a text from John and Mason while I was asleep, and did my very-frustrating Math Practice Test that took me three hours to complete. I got a C on it, but I don't give a crap; that was hard, and I was done. I eventually drove Rachel, Ben and I to Subway for sandwiches, and ended up sitting on the couch thinking of things to write until Mason got here. We ran up to Walgreens for medicine and ice cream for my momma, then came back home. I folded laundry while Rachel, Ben, Mason and I watched some dumb Anime that was centered around boobs and women, and now Mason and I are just kind of hanging out whilst on our respective laptops.

I'm going to go and finish laundry; I have a load in the dryer and a basket full of whites to fold, then I need to transfer the towels from the washer to the dryer, and put away my clothes before I can go to bed. This is going to be fun.

Tomorrow I'm off work, which will be really nice.

I'll update soon : )



A Few Good Days

There has been way too much going on to talk about in detail, but I'll do my best to update you : )

Sunday I worked the daytime shift, came home, did some homework, and went out with Mason to the park. We spent almost two hours walking, laying on the merry-go-round, swinging and talking. It was a good night, despite a few things that I'm not going to delve into. We ended up going to QT afterward, came home, chilled on my sofa, and went to bed kind of late (as is the usual). He woke up in the middle of the night with a panic attack, I eventually turned on the light, took down a poster, and we slept with the light on for a couple more hours.

Monday morning went by pretty quickly. I went to most of my classes, skipped PE in order to do math homework, and went to Creative Writing afterward. On the way out I wriggled out of lunch with the guy who asked (I was NOT feeling well, at all; I spent most of the day feeling very sick), and came home to lounge around for a little bit. Mason came over eventually, and after awhile mom got the family together and Ben, Rachel, Mason, mom and I drove to my grandma's house. Mason and I fell asleep eventually, after listening to music, fiddling with his camera, and playing games on my iPod touch. We went to Dairy Queen upon arriving at my grandma's town and spent entirely too much money. We arrived at my grandma's, ate the spectacularly fried food, chatted, recorded more video, and left to go to the river. We recorded more video on the way as we rode in the bed of my uncle's truck, and arrived at the river a minute later. After filming more video and talking with the various family members, I got to ride a sea-do and my bottom half got soaked. We sat out at the river for awhile longer before leaving just before dark and went back to my grandma's. I had the bright idea to climb a hay bale, and we ALL did eventually. I took off running with Mason close behind me, and we all took turns helping each other climb it. Mason and I ended up looking at the stars a little bit after that, and they were beautiful. We all eventually played Dominoes, and Mason and I got decimated by my grandma and Rachel. In all fairness, my grandma is a BEAST at Dominoes, so I didn't hold much hope. Haha. We left around 11, and got home around 1:30. We weren't awake for too much longer after we got home.
Honestly, this day was one of the most perfect days in my mind. I loved the vast majority of it, and can't wait to experience more like it : )

Tuesday was a decent day, though I spent 8 hours at work that day. From 1:30 to 10, I believe. I was excited to finally get to come home after a long day, and Mason came over afterward which was nice.

Wednesday I went to classes, and attended all of them. I know! Way to go, Kimbra! Afterward, I took an hour long nap that made my brain fuzzy for the first hour and a half of work, and had a challenging night. I just didn't want to be there; I wanted to be home, relaxing. We got out of there at 10, and Mason came over when I got home. We sat out here on the couch, watched TV, watched the videos from the other day, he worked on his essay, and I sat on Facebook for awhile. We eventually looked at videos of shofars (musical instrument things) and I got to find out what they sound like. Eventually we went to bed, and slept pretty dang good.

Today I said goodbye to Mason, slept until 12:15, showered, watched crappy daytime TV, tried to edit the videos together again, and talked to Mason throughout the day. I did eat, and should probably go brush my teeth, put on makeup and change for work; I work in thirty minutes, and have to leave in fifteen.
Tonight, Mason is coming over when I get off and there is no tellin' what we'll end up doing.

Tomorrow I have the night off, so after classes Ben, Rachel, Mason and I are going on an adventure.

Saturday I work, and I have no idea about Sunday.

I'm just taking each day at a time, and enjoying life as it comes.
I love my life : )



Up and Down

The past few days have gone well, yet there have been times when I was overly emotional.

Thursday I did end up studying with Eric, and that was fun. My sister sat out in the living room with us while we talked about the Philosophy behind government and swapped notes. We eventually got tired of doing that, so we put in Street Fighter 4 for the PS3 and played a few rounds (six, to be exact) and he won every single one but one. And he let me have the one round I won. Haha. I returned his game to his possession afterward and hugged him goodbye before coming inside and heading to bed.

Friday morning I woke up bright-and-stinking early for classes. I was surprised that I woke up on my own, because lately I haven't been good at getting out of bed early. Of course, on test days, things rarely go as planned, so I made it to class five minutes early, took out my notes, read them for two minutes, and was told to put my things away since we were starting early. After setting suckers on our desks as she said "Here, sugar makes you smarter!," she handed out our tests and we were ready to begin. I'm sure I did alright on the multiple choice portion; a lot of it was common sense. I killed the "define these terms" portion, did decently on fill in the blank, probably wrote terrible essays, and understood 4/5 of the bonus questions. After taking the test, I texted Eric a quick good luck, talked to him for a minute, then went to the writing lab to do math homework. I got most of the way through one assignment (I have two problems to work through). I went to math afterward, went to PE like a good little girl, and was able to come home after that.

I had the night off, so I did the most amazing thing ever: I slept for two hours on the couch. Despite the fact that my sister was trying to wake me up so that we could catch our movie. Whoops : )
As we were about to leave (after I FINALLY got ready and was happy about the prospect of seeing this movie), my mom got upset. This usually sends little anxious signals throughout my brain, and I tried to talk to her about it, but she didn't want to; she wanted to be upset and distant. So we got into a fight that ended in me sitting on the couch crying, resigned to not going to the movies, and she walking out the door. Five minutes later, I was crying again as she was apologizing. We made up, and we all three left the house at the same time to go our separate directions. Not even a minute after pulling out of the driveway, I was sobbing. Literally sobbing. I could barely drive, and sobbed "nooooo" when Rachel said "Don't you think we should pull over or something? I mean, driving and crying can't be safe. Maybe you should pull over?"
I didn't want to see the movie anymore. I didn't want to do anything. At that moment, I wanted to be in my bed, under the covers, crying my eyes out. I wanted to be alone. But I was driving a car to the movies with my amazing younger sister (who tried her absolute hardest to make me feel better)(and succeeded), so I tried to be more upbeat (for her, mainly). We saw "Easy A" in the theaters, and that was awesome. That movie is cute and funny and it's just... Ugh! So good! I would recommend seeing it.
I danced a little to the music at the end of the movie as we walked out of the theater, we came home for about an hour (during which I got bombarded with bad news... both of my managers lost their jobs), and I left again to get dinner with the girls at Chilli's. Kimmi was nice enough to come and get me, and on the way there I filled her in on everything that happened ever. Well, not ever, but ya know.
We got to Chilli's, found Kendra, and sat, talked, ordered drinks, and waited for Amanda. Kendra got a Maragarita, and Kimmi and I got Cosmopolitans, which were freakin' STRONG. I got through half of mine, was tipsy, and in the process of moving my diet coke closer to me I knocked it over. Literally knocked it over. The cup hit the table, and half of my drink went from the table to the chair to the floor. I was sad, but figured it was a sign to not drink. We ate dinner, Kimmi brought me home, and Mason came over a little bit after that.
We didn't do a whole lot; we talked with mom and Rachel and he dug around inside her head. When she left, he dug around in mine. We sat on the couch until we were both falling asleep, then we went to bed and fell asleep around 2 or 3.

This morning around 11:30 alarm number 1 went off, I cursed it, and snuggled back into bed. I found the sucker after the second time it went off, turned all three alarms off, and made myself wake up. Eventually Mason and I went out to get food (after saying hello and goodbye to Rachel). We got Wendy's and ate it at the walking trail near my house, which was very peaceful and calming. It was his idea to go, and honestly that was one of the best ideas; the tranquility was tangible. We talked about a few things while eating, and listened to music, and watched ducks swim and the water ripple and the fountain do it's thing. I love fountains... I love how peaceful fountains can make an environment seem. If I could, I would have one in my back yard. And stare at it every day. I'm sorry to be rambling about fountains to you when I could tell you what Mason and I talked about, but again, there are some things that I will not touch on in here. We had to the leave the park around 2:15 so I could get ready for work. After I got ready, we sat and talked, and at 2:45 we said goodbye and I went to work.
Work was challenging. I was an emotional wreck. I'm going to go ahead and say, one time and one time only, that I must be PMSing, because I haven't done this much crying in a really long time. Also, I believe that I'm being tested in some form or another, so that wasn't the most fun time, either. At one point, I walked into the back in search of some highly-priced product and had the Shit Scared Out of Me by my friend Brandi. Brandi didn't know I was emotional. Brandi was laughing, and I laughed after I got over being scared. Then I paused, got teary eyed, quivery voiced, and cried. I didn't sob this time, but I DID cry, and unintionally made her feel bad. I explained to her what my deal was, but I don't think that made her feel any better. Sad day.
We didn't even get close to getting out of there tonight at a reasonable time. We left at 11:25, two hours and fifteen minutes after we closed.
I got home, talked with my family and Ben (who is staying with us for a little while due to circumstances beyond his control), and ended up crying during that time. I would be talking, having a serious conversation, get teary, and start sobbing. I hope this stops soon -_-
Eventually I showered, ate a snack, and here I am (after about two hours of looking through things on facebook, various blogs, youtube, and dailybooth).

I'm going to go do my hair, and sleep.
I work at 10 a.m. But I get off at 2 p.m., get to do homework, and see Mason, so my day isn't really going to be that bad : )

I'll write soon!



In Society, Women Shouldn't Eat Pizza Because They'll Get Fat! That's Not Okay!

Quick Update: Tuesday night I worked. Yay. Wednesday I did the usual classes thing. I went to government, spent my free hour doing math homework, went to math, skipped PE to do more math homework, went to Creative Writing, and came home to do MORE MATH HOMEWORK. I finished the necessary assignment, so that's good. At five I clocked into work, worked 'til ten, and came home. I got sucked into my chair, finally changed into PJs, started my laundry, and Mason got here at 11. We chatted with my family for awhile and came back to my room to do homework (he wrote his essay, I worked on Math and Facebooked and edited his essay at 1 a.m.). We had cake at one point, and decided to sleep around 2 this morning. At 7 the alarms went off, I said goodbye to him, slept until noon, showered, ate pizza (take that, society!), and am fixing to do a quick walmart run before I get ready for work. I work at five today, 'til close, then Eric is coming over to study for Government stuff. I have classes tomorrow from 8 a.m. to 12:15 p.m., and then I get to come home and sleeeep. I have dinner plans with the girls (tentative, but they're happening!) and I'm hoping that Mason will be able to come over.

The Point of the Title: I had to watch a video about how women are portrayed in society and got pretty appalled. I had to write a response to it. Both things will be included below.

Video - http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1993368502337678412#

Questions that we needed to Answer: 1. What is your reaction to the points made? Do you agree or disagree with what was said about gender stereotypes in the media? Why?

2. How do these images affect YOUR self-concept (this applies to both men and women)? How do these images affect the self-concepts of women and girls or men and boys in general?

3. How does these images in the media affect our perception of women?

My Response -

My reaction to this is increasing anger at how society treats Women. We are picked apart and put back together in the “perfect” way. Our bodies aren’t good enough, our personalities aren’t good enough, and apparently we aren’t capable of having meaningful relationships or emotions. We are dehumanized and beaten, and portrayed as weak and powerless. Needless to say, I fully agree with what she is saying about gender stereotypes in America. It is because of these stereotypes that many young women have self-esteem issues, and some women never fully come to terms with the fact that their bodies are okay.
What the speaker doesn’t touch on is that the women who think lowly of themselves usually end up resenting the women who are “better“ than them; they have everything - the body, the self-confidence, the men… When can these other women have that? The only answer to this question is… When they learn to love themselves, despite the fact that society can not. And sadly, some never will.
As a young girl, even though I was exposed to these images, I was never affected by them; I would see a commercial about how makeup was made out of fish scales and bat poop and think “Gross! I will never have that on my face!” These things changed at thirteen when the kids that I went to school with “knew” that I was imperfect and needed to change; I was fat, and ugly, and that wasn’t cutting it. They got to me before the media did, and at fifteen I finally felt that I needed to do something about it; I weighed less then than I have in a long time. It took years to accept that I am a beautiful individual and that there is nothing wrong with being something other than the “perfect” woman. I don’t feel the pressures of society like I did then; I’m fine with being slightly overweight, having extremely fluffy hair that I choose to tame because I like it better that way, having glasses that make me look like a nerd, and wearing clothes that are not the least bit fashionable. I can perceive the women in magazines for who they are: airbrushed models who are paid to be perfect. The images in this video, though haunting, have no effect on my self-concept; I know who I am - who are they to try to tell me any different? It’s sad to me that a lot of women don’t realize that they’ve fallen victim to society’s belief of who they are; they need the perfect clothes, makeup, shoes and man to make them feel complete, when in reality this is just not the case.
Media causes us to perceive women as innocent, seductive, beyond-beautiful creatures who don’t have minds of their own; we’re only here to look good and satisfy our male counterparts. In some cases, we feed into this perception - we buy the makeup and become the meek version that society portrays because we want to be accepted. God forbid we’re individuals who have minds of our own.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In other, less mature, words society can suck it.




I forgot to mention why I titled the last blog "The Kids' Couch."
I usually tie the title in somewhere, but I guess that night my brain was on other things.
I titled it as such because Rachel, Ben, Owen and I were sitting on the couch during my cousin's baby shower, which is located in the corner of their living room. We sat there discussing Pokemon, and I texted a lot and ooed and awed over the baby gifts, and watched as a mom got really annoyed with me (I'm a little rough around the edges, so some people tend to get bad first impressions. And by 'some,' I mean 'most'). So yeah. For such an adult situation, we were acting like children. I liked it because it reminded me that, though I am 21, I don't have to be serious all of the time. I would like to think that I helped liven it up by being a dork, and by interacting with Owen and getting excited about Sponge Bob even though I don't like that show. And I got to watch some toddlers scuttle around on the floor and make huge messes with their food, so that was fun.
I did forget to mention that I chatted with my uncle, and he let me know, again, how proud of me he is. I keep my nose clean, and try my best to be a good and responsible person. And for that, he is proud of me. : )

Sunday was a rough day. I spent most of the day focusing on what I was supposed to be doing and trying to get through the shift. I tried to be as mechanical as I could as I helped customer after customer, sent people on breaks, and watched the lines pile up as fast as we got them down. There was a lady who had this return but didn't have her items, so I had to punch them in manually; this would usually bother me, but on that day I just didn't care - I did what I had to do to get her out of there, and proceeded to help other customers after her.
I got a break and a thirty minute lunch, which was nice. I was able to listen to my music and it kept me sane. I worked from 10 to 6:15 (I got to leave after I counted my drawer), and was pretty mentally tired by the time I left.
Mason (look look, you're in here again!) came over shortly after I got home, and we ended up going to WalMart (to look at cameras; he almost bought one but wants to price them) and Best Buy (they closed two minutes before we pulled into the parking lot). Then we came back here, said goodbye for a little bit, and I came inside to eat some dinner.
I ended up getting sucked into the Cowboys game, which just usually doesn't happen. But they made a game-winning touchdown within the last three seconds that was taken away because one of their players basically choked (holding) a guy on the other team. Ridiculous and angering. I was yelling.
Mason got back around 11:45, and we sat out here chatting, on our laptops, watching TV, while he started his essay. I watched youtube videos and thought about writing my second writing assignment, but I just wasn't up to it. We got ready for bed around 1, and fell asleep around 3.

Monday we woke up to all three of my annoying alarms, and at 7:05 I forced myself out of bed. After getting ready quickly (grabbing the first clothes I saw, eating, brushing my teeth, touching up my makeup) I said goodbye to Mason and drove to campus.
I sat through Government for the first time in a week, and was grateful that she took the time to review for a minute before launching into the lecture.
Eric was standing outside when I left (he has the same class the hour after mine), so I stopped to talk with him for a minute before heading to the writing center.
I didn't have to go to speech because it's our online week this week, so I spent the hour editing my creative writing piece, doing one speech assignment, and taking a learning styles quiz. I was disappointed about not going to speech because I didn't get to sit in the comfy chairs, but feel like I got a lot done since I didn't go.
I went to Math, where I proceeded to get lost AGAIN while she was teaching. I don't understand how she can teach really well one day, and rush through it the next. Needless to say, I have a very small idea of what we're supposed to do in there.
PE was boring, and I spent most of that class fighting off sleep. We took a quiz at the end that I probably failed.
Creative Writing was interesting, as always. I was rescued by a guy from a cricket because it kept inching closer and closer. I'm not AFRAID of crickets, really; they just freak me out. We divided into groups and swapped stories while writing comments (picking our favorite line, our favorite descriptive part, and three descriptive words about the main character). I got asked out to lunch this day, too, which was flattering.

(Ben just said that I have thick thighs. Not sure how to react to that one...
I gave my sister a "What the Hell did he just say? And why did he say it?" face. Haha.)

After my classes, I came home to my sister not feeling well, so I kept her company while we took a nap in her bed. We slept from 2 to 4, and I ended up getting medicine for her before leaving to meet up with Mason. I picked him up at his apartments, and drove us to a bookstore close to campus so that he could buy his books. They had all but one, so that was awesome. Then I swung by Subway so that he could eat, dropped him off, and picked him up two minutes later. We went and got Kimmi, then went to eat at Rosas.
Rosas was nice. I love their food, and enjoyed chatting with Mason and Kimmi. We sat in a booth with a ton of wooden parrots perching above us, a cieling fan that sounded like a metronome to our left (which spurred a lot of band/ROTC talk), and freaky looking ceramic suns on a far wall that stared at us the entire time. We had a good time, and left after being there for (what felt like) a couple hours. I dropped Kimmi off at home, swung by my house really quick, and drove Mason and I to his brothers'.
Upon arrival, we stood outside and chatted with the brothers and their friend, and ended up piling into cars to go to IHOP (after stopping at Race Track). While at IHOP, we drank sodas, watched one of the brothers eat pancakes, picked on each other, had weird conversations, and played "Life." Honestly, it was a ton of fun. We went back to the house at around midnight, then left there around 12:30.
I drove Mason and I to his apartments to get his car, and he followed me back home. Upon arriving here, we talked to my mom and sister for a little bit, then went to bed. We weren't awake nearly as long as the previous night; tiredness seemed to be the general feeling.

Today we woke up around 7, said goodbye, and I went to sleep for another hour. Mom woke me up, I showered, and we left the house at around 9 to go to her doctor appointment. I ended up falling asleep on the way there, and even slept in two chairs for a little bit. I hear mom go "Yeah, that's mine; she stayed up really late last night." I woke up about an hour later, started playing a game on my iPod, texted with Mason, and discovered a Coffee News on steroids; instead of just the usual stuff, it included a word search, a "find the difference between these two pictures," and Sudoku. I kept myself entertained for the last 45 minutes with that thing.
I heard my mom say "Let me wake my kid up," and when she walked out she said "Oh, my kid is awake!"
Everyone in the waiting room looked at me like they had no idea I was there.
We left after that, and went to the gas station before hitting the road.
We stopped at McDonalds, the eyeglasses place, and Walgreens before coming home.
And... here I am.
I know. My day has been thrilling.
I should have taken a nap; I'm pretty tired still.

I'm glad to be relaxing for a moment... these past couple of days have been really long and full and tiring. But good... I enjoyed them for the most part : )

Now I'm fixing to get ready and go to work, because I LIVE THERE NOW.
I'll write soon.



The Kids' Couch

Today was... okay.
It wasn't good, or bad. It just happened.
I opened the registers at 9 a.m., met a new cashier, went on a break, dealt out breaks, and took care of rather long lines throughout most of the shift. Our district manager came in to shop, and caused a lot of trouble, tension and irritation. He quizzed me over our "six values," even though we don't have to have them memorized until Monday, and taught me how to do store transfers. He left after about an hour of torture, and our assistant manager strolled through the door. He was in trouble, no doubt about it. And we're all mad at our store manager; he isn't taking care of his team - he's leaving us short handed on almost every shift besides his, and messing up a lot of people's schedules.
I was able to leave at 2, which is one of the shortest day shifts I've had.
I was home for about five minutes; long enough to change, grab a slice of cold pizza, and head out the door. I arrived at my cousin's house and stuffed my face a bit more. Eventually my cousin opened her gifts (some of which was a rubber ducky that changes color, several cute clothes, and random other things), we played a game, and ate some really awesome cake. I signed a onesie "You're probably very cute. Love you Lotus! - Kimbra." And Owen signed it "Good luck," which was much more funny and much more profound. He's 10. I'm amazed.
I cleaned my bathroom and bedroom when I got home while listening to a couple of CDs. Dad thought Owen and I were kidding when we told him about it, and felt my forehead after asking "Are you sick?"
Now I'm finally being lazy, because I'm zapped of most of my energy. I'm in the process of washing my bedding, and will wash my clothes, but other than that I can't do much else.

Tomorrow I work 10-6 instead of 12-7:30; I switched with the other FES. I figured that by doing this I am ensuring that I can be home at a decent time (we're having a HUGE ad, so I know they'll be there for awhile during closing), and maybe do some homework. I know Mason is coming over and will be here around 6:30 or 7, and we may go camera shopping.
I'm glad he's coming over tomorrow. I miss him.

Okay, well, that's all from me today.
Wish me luck on dealing with the crazy shift from Hell!



So Much In My Head

I don't blog for two days, and I'm already feeling an intense amount of anxiety about the number of things in my head.
Obviously there are some things that I am not willing to disclose, because I want to keep some things as mine. But most things... Most things you can have.
/hands gift-wrapped present with large golden bow on top
You're welcome! : D

I got to spend the early afternoon lounging around with Mason. We eventually went out into the living room to talk with Rachel, and after a little while ended up driving to ChikFillet for food. We all ate a lovely lunch and talked while doing so, then went to the dollar store for a random fun trip. I left with a purple glittery frisbee and "Plum Lucky" by Janet Evanovich (one of the MANY books in her Stephenie Plum series). I eventually dragged all three of us out of the dollar store (which is hard; I wanted to buy half of the little snoglobes and trinkets) and was home with those two for about an hour before I had to leave for work. After bidding Mason goodbye, I drove to work and clocked in at 5.
This night was frustrating. We were short handed (we didn't have a closing cashier), so I spent most of the night on the registers, and my manager and one of the people on the floor spent the night trying to help me catch the lines up. It was ridiculous. I somehow managed to start closing registers at 9, but ended up taking 45minutes to finish. At 10, I walked through the door to my house, and at 10:15 it was decided that Mason and I would go get food.
At 10:45 Mason was here, and we went to Whattaburger (because they serve breakfast at 11, and I REALLY LIKE their honey butter chicken biscuit). We sat out in the car for fifteen minutes talking, and spent the time between receiving our food at 11:15 and leaving at 2:30 getting to know each other better. It was nice, though intense at the same time. And that's all I'm saying about that.
Upon arriving home, we ended up sitting on our respective laptops for awhile. Then we talked a bit more, and ended up talking for almost an hour about Pokemon. I mean, who can say that? "What did you do tonight?" "Oh, I spent an hour within close proximity to a guy talking about Pokemon and laughing at how nerdy we are." I loved it.
I also like when I'm sleep deprived, and say stupid things, and am met with even more stupid things once or twice. That's fun.
We eventually got to sleep, and I had to be awake for class by 7:15.

There is something you should know about me. When I wake up after two hours of sleep, and think about why I shouldn't go to a specific class, I will find MULTIPLE reasons. So I slept in for another thirty minutes, made myself get dressed, didn't touch my hair and only added eyeliner. Then I flopped back into bed, and asked Mason if I should go to class. He said if I wanted to. Of course I didn't want to, but I sighed and got back out of bed anyway. After saying goodbye to him, I drove to campus, and made it to Speech on time.
Honestly, I'm glad I went. We have these SUPER COMFY chairs that, after sitting in, I immediately felt amazing. Like... a huge amount of cranky was lifted off of me. My back felt awesome. My butt had a cushy place to sit. It was AWESOME!
I talked to my friend in there, and ended up talking to a couple of other guys in there. One thinks that Harry Potter is awesome. I can tell that we're going to be good friends. Except... when I asked him who his favorite character was, he didn't know. That was disappointing.
We discussed situations in which it's necessary to have good ethics, and at one point a guy basically said "We all know that we would keep whatever was in the purse. We're human. We're greedy. We're all the same, esentially. No one in their right mind would return the contents to their owner." I was appalled. And pissed. For him to say that (though, for most of Humanity, it is true) was ridiculous. I wanted to get into a verbal arguement with him, and maybe smack him in the face. It was insulting to hear after half of us said that we would return it. I wasn't the only one offended, but none of us said anything; I didn't want to be the cause of a debate about humans and morals.
After that class I went to Math, and she was actually TEACHING US IN DETAIL. Maybe what I said on Wednesday struck a nerve, and I hope it did. I hope this sticks. Because I actually learned stuff today, since she actually taught the material.
I came home afterward and slept for a couple of hours (I skipped PE today; I did not have enough patience for that class).
By 3, I was awake, ready, and clocked in at work. Tonight's shift went rather smoothly, though I was bummed that it was such a long one for me. We didn't leave until 9:30, and that was after dealing with the chaos that is Homecoming and counting registers and doing everything else that we were supposed to do.
I came home for ten minutes, then went to a friend's house to celebrate her 21st birthday. I participated in a drinking game, which ended when the birthday girl puked for the first time. I had two (maybe three; I somehow had another empty beer bottle in front of me), so I was feeling good. And people were like "You're drunk, aren't you?" "NO!" I would say, because, in truth, I was not. Just... elated.
I came home around midnight, showered, talked with Mason and Eric, and here I am.

I'm bummed that I work tomorrow. Tomorrow is my fifth day in a row, and I work from 9 to whenever I get off. Tomorrow, at 1, is my cousin's baby shower. And I'm missing it.
I'm pissed because I work for a sixth day in a row on Sunday. 12-7:30. During one of the worst ads. And my boss gets TWO DAYS off in a row. While I'm on my sixth day. It genuinely upsets me. I could barely study this week in between work, school, and my shrinking social life. And now I really don't get an entire day to just sit and apply myself.
I know I should be grateful for all of the hours, but honestly I'm doing everything within my power not to go crazy. I'm breathing and pushing through and dealing with the stupidity of the people in front of me and asking for their zipcodes 100s of times and dealing with short-handed shifts and... I just don't like doing it six days in a row.
He took away one of the only days that I could have genuinely just kicked back ALL DAY. And I don't get that until God knows when.
So, yes, you could say I'm upset about this. Maybe I'll be over it after a few hours sleep and a refreshed mind, but right now I'm upset about the things I'm missing and the things I'm not getting to do.

I'm sure Mason is coming over on Sunday, which will help quite a bit.

I'm going to sleep.



My Math Teacher is Infuriating, and Other Things

So today I overslept.
And by overslept, I mean slept in until 8:30 and missed my first two classes.
It was pouring down rain when I finally left my house at 9:20, and I got to drive through flooded streets; there were waves on either side of my car as I drove.
I wore tennis shoes today, at mom's annoying repeated request, and promptly stepped in a large puddle that soaked my feet entirely.
I went into the writing lab in order to print out my assignments, and was finally able to get it to work after five minutes. I then realized that I didn't have a pen or pencil, and on the way to the building that my Math class is in I found one on the ground.
Math today was better than usual. I FINALLY, FINALLY understood how to use the graphing method to find the freaking solution to a set of somethings, so that's good. When asked a couple of questions, our teacher said something along the lines of "We assume you know this." She said it a few times in a few different ways, and I finally said "Why do you assume that we know this when some of us didn't take the previous class and were placed in here by the accuplacer?"
She said something about how one HAS to assume that we know the basic things, because if we didn't we would not have scored so highly on the Accuplacer. And if she took time to review, it would end up becoming the previous class.
I held my tongue then, because I didn't want it to seem like I was challenging her. But inside I was thinking "What the Hell? How is asking you to actually explain, in detail, what we're learning asking you to reteach the previous class?"
I mean, Hell, I didn't even UNDERSTAND what we learned the first day until today. It took four classes for me to get it. She finally explained it in such a way that EVERYONE got it; I wasn't the only one who was completely lost as to how she was getting her damn solutions.
What I don't understand is that I was placed in this REMEDIAL math class in order to brush up on math skills so that I can go into the REAL class. So far, I'm teaching myself almost everything that we've been through because she is just /not/ teaching in a way that I understand. If I can sit through this class, come home not knowing what in the Hell I'm doing, and spend three hours per one Math assignment teaching myself this shit, then WHAT AM I DOING IN THERE? Why can't I do this very same thing in the actual math class and save the tuition that I'm wasting on this class? I'm tempted to go argue with the counselors about this, because it's complete bullshit.
/ end rant
PE was alright. I disliked how they sat and taught us a lesson, and waited until class was over to hand us a quiz and make us sit there for five minutes.
I walked across campus and made it to Creative Writing on time, surprisingly. We discussed our reading selection, and a few people read their tension-filled-dialogue (a word of which my PUBLISHED AUTHOR professor can't spell. she spelled it "dialog." NO!).
I came home, napped for an hour, showered, ate, got ready for work, and clocked in at five.
Tonight was pretty good. It was crazy, but there weren't nearly as many frustrating people as there usually are. I closed the registers on time, and we were out of there by 9:35.
I've eaten dinner, straightened my hair, changed into jammies, watched "Criminal Minds," and am waiting on Mason to get here.
I may redo a math assignment since I totally blew it because I didn't understand.
I may do my PE lab.
I may do both things, because when Mason gets here he will start working on an essay. That encourages me to actually do some homework ahead of time.

Alrighty, that's all I have to say.
The victim just kicked the crazy killer guy in his balls. AWESOME! Now stop yelling or he will find you!

Okay, done for real.



Update and Excerpts

Yesterday I sat on my couch for the vast majority of six hours doing Math homework.
I got up to shower and pop in some Disney movies, because there is no way you can get frustrated with math while you're watching happy Disney movies.
I did my hair in between math and starting my writing assignment.
After a little while, I left home and went to Mason's brothers' house. About an hour kater, we (Ryan, his sister Dani, Mason and I) started our trek to Oklahoma to go to Winstar. The ride there was quiet at first; we listened to loud music with the windows down and our hair blowing around wildly. After we stopped at a gas station/Subway, we were back on the road with the windows up while chatting. Eventually we saw the flashing HUGE sign for Winstar Casinos, and five minutes later we were IN THE PARKING LOT. I was excited and pumped; it was my first time there. Upon walking in we were met with large silver glittery Chinese dragons hanging from the ceiling and card table games. We walked through a forrest of slot machines until we picked a random row to play. It is here that I started gambling, and actually won a little before I lost a lot. We ended up splitting up for a bit, and Mason and I went in search of drinks and restrooms. There was a foyer area with plushy leather furniture that I wanted to sleep on (and some people were ACTUALLY sleeping on them), and upon entering the restroom I was met with a LARGE mirrior and a rather long hallway full of stalls. And there were free drink kiosks. And a bar, but I didn't get an alcoholic drink; I'm pretending alcohol doesn't exist for a little while. We got lost a few times, played some Black Jack, found a touch-screen map, and I jumped and touched a sign to prove that it wasn't a mirrage. We had a good time, and left around 10:30 or 11. The drive back was mellow, and Mason and I ended up falling asleep in the back seat with Dani and Ryan sat up front. Once we got back to the house, the ladies hauled ass inside to pee, and we ended up talking outside for an hour. Things got weird and creepy, and that's all I will say about that. Mason and I came back here after awhile, and stayed awake entirely too late.

My alarms woke us up at 7 this morning. He went to class, and I went to work. I worked from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., and encountered some of the most frustrating "I want to save this whole entire dollar!" individuals. I said the F-word in front of my manager, which caused him to crack up. I also said "Slap a ho," which also made him laugh; I try not to cuss at work because it's unprofessional, but I was pretty riled up at that point. I got home around 5:45, ate some dinner, and finished one writing assignment. I have one more to go, and most likely something for PE left.

I am going to leave you with what I wrote for Creative Writing. The assignment was to write a story with "dialogue with tension." I had the perfect thing; it's another part of that novel I'm working on, and happens way before the other part I posted. Enjoy!


After a night of celebrating my birthday, and twenty minutes after my guests leave, my cell phone rings. I don’t recognize the number, but feel as though I should answer it.
Little do I know that I will hate myself for years after making this decision.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Hey, you.” she says.
“What do you want?” I ask, sweat pooling on my forehead.
“We need to talk.”
I hear the authority in her voice, and immediately hate it. “No, we don’t,” I reply with venom in my voice.
“Yes, we do,” she says, her voice softening.
“Why?” I ask, unwilling to make this easy on her.
“Just meet me at Sundae’s in thirty minutes, okay?” The authority is back.
“No,” I say, and hang up. I refuse to let her control me; she spent two years manipulating me, and I will not let her do it again.
My phone rings again, and I see the same number pop up. I sigh, hit the silent button and wait until the “missed call” icon appears before turning my phone off. I slide it into my pocket and walk upstairs to my bedroom, saying hello and thank you to my parents as I pass through our upstairs family room.
When I get to my room, I realize that I don’t want to be here. I want to be with my girlfriend, Rose, all of the time, every day. My heart feels like someone is squeezing it, and if I didn’t know any better I would think it is her.
I haven’t even sat on my bed to mope before the doorbell rings. I hear mom go downstairs and open it. Voices drift up the stairs as pleasantries are exchanged, then mom calls up to me. “Junior! You have a visitor!”
“I’ll be right down!” I shout. Before heading downstairs I check my hair, wiggle my eyebrows, and smile.
Yes, this ritual is weird, but it helps me feel like myself. More confident, so to speak.
When I walk into the living I am met with an odd sight. My parents are standing in the middle of the living room, facing the entry way where a slightly larger Lyla stands.
“What’s going on?” I ask, startling my mother.
“I’m pregnant,” Lyla says quickly, disallowing any pauses that should take place.
“Apparently, it’s yours,” my father says, shooting a look of disapproval in my direction.
“Can’t be,” I reply, crossing my arms in front of my chest.
“I’m three months along,” the Evil Bitch says. “There is no way it could be anyone else’s.”
“Unless Steven Evans got you pregnant, or that one guy at Morgan’s party, or Josh Manson, or…”
“Phillip,” my mom hisses.
“I’m just naming the possibilities, mom. I’m not the only guy she slept with during those two years.”
“Then why choose you?” she asks calmly, her eyes glued on Lyla.
“Phil, you are the guy I slept with closest to conception,” she says.
“That means nothing to me,” I say, turning around and walking away.
“Phil!” she shouts, and I stop. “This is your baby. No matter what you say or do, this is not going away.”
“And what were you expecting?” I yell, whirling around. “What, you want me to drop everything and be by your side?”
“Yeah, actually,” she says, which only pisses me off more. “I need you, and this baby needs you. I figured that you would want to help take care of it, ya know? I can’t imagine doing it by myself.”
I hear her words and see tears welling up in her eyes. The anger that I feel toward her melts when the guilt sets in. My parents watch me for a moment, waiting for me to react. Dad clears his throat. “Thank you, Lyla, for dropping by, but I think it’s time for you to leave.”
I expect to see disappointment on her face, and for a moment I do. After regaining her composure, she nods, thanks my father for inviting her in, and leaves.
An awkward pause ensues after she leaves. We all stand there, looking anywhere but at each other. Finally, mom breaks the silence. “Well,” she says hesitantly - quietly - “looks like we need to have a family meeting.”
Dad is unable to speak and nods in agreement as I continue to stare past my mother and at the front door.
“Phil,” she says, almost pleading for my attention.
My glance snaps to her face, and I see something that I’ve never seen before: anguish, worry, and sadness. “Yeah?” I ask, a lump rising in my throat.
“Is it yours?”
“I’m sure it isn’t,” I answer.
“Then why do you look so fearful?” she asks, walking closer and putting her hand on my face.
I flinch at the gesture, but she leaves her hand there.
“Because she’s three months along,” my dad answers, finally escaping from his thoughts. “He was still seeing her around that time.”
“The way I understand it, she was seeing several young men at that time” my mom says, shifting her gaze to my dad.
Her hand is still on my face.
“So what should I do?” I ask flatly.
“What you think is right,” my mom answers.
“Though we will disown you if you marry her,” dad chimes in.
“Phillip,” mom responds in a chiding tone. “This is no time for jokes.”
“Who says I’m joking?” he says. “This is obviously a trap set for him, by her. If he walks willingly into it, he is no son of ours.”
I sigh. “Can I go to my room now?”
“You may,” mom answers, finally removing her hand.
I can still feel the touch of her hand on my right cheek.
Turning, I force my body to make it’s way up the stairs and into my room. When I get there, I close my door, walk to my bed, pick up a pillow and…
I scream.





I don't have a whole lot to say, but it seems like I have so much on my mind that I can barely handle it.
I'm also really tired, which doesn't make sense since I slept in until noon the past two days.
I mean, it's only 11 p.m. I don't sleep until 1 or 2 a.m. normally. Maybe my sleeping pattern is almost back on track. Hm.

Yesterday I did work from 3 to 9:30, and, as mentioned, waited until the last possible minute to get ready.
I went to clean my belly button piercing, and the skin separating the two holes that made the piercing tore. I repeat. It tore. So I think it's safe to say that my belly button is no longer pierced, and it looks kind of gross right now. I'm hoping that it'll heal correctly, because as it is right now I don't even like looking at it.
Mason came over and spent the night, and we both got to sleep in today. It was really nice.
We entered the kitchen eventually in search of food, decided to go out, and left after I took some time to help my overall appearance.
We (Rachel, Mason and I) went to IHOP for some delicious food, then to WalMart (I got a computer chair that didn't come with the necessary hardware and cuuuute pajamas). Then we came back here, I tried assembling the stupid chair, Mason put it back in the box for me, and we ended up chillin' in the floor of my living room listening to music. Mason drew something in paint that I don't think he saved, then we played card games until John called.
Mason left five minutes after that, and John arrived ten minutes later. We watched "Jersey Shore," hung out with Rachel, and ended up watching random Youtube videos on the big screen.
John left five minutes ago, and now I'm here.

I feel kind of stressed out, and I'm not entirely sure what about. I mean, yes, there are homework assignments due in a few days that I SHOULD work on, so maybe that's it.

Okay, that's all from me.

I'll blog soon.

Currently Reading: My math book, PE book, Creative Writing excerpts, and Speech assignments. And notes from every class. Welcome back to College!



It's Been a Couple Days

I took my break, and it felt really odd not updating.
There was SO MUCH that I could have put in here, yet on the 1st I decided to go with my irrational fear. And leave you with it. And for that, I apologize.
I should have blogged again the next day in order to say "Hey, I'm okay. I just needed to get that off my chest."
I AM okay. I'm perfectly fine. Other than being slightly tired, hearing a weird noise right now, and wanting a blueberry bagle that I can't have, I'm great.
... This noise is bothering me. It's a high pitched whirring. I hope my ceiling fan doesn't find some way to escape from the ceiling...
Ah, it stopped. Thank goodness.

The past couple of days have been full of work, school, my family and Mason.
I worked on Thursday, closed, and Mason came over after a little while. If memory serves me correctly, we eventually went to WalMart with Rachel and Ben for a computer chair, and left with Subway sandwiches. Nom nom nom. I didn't get to sleep until around 3 a.m., and slept until 7 a.m.
After getting ready (I only made enough time to do my hair, add eyeliner, get dressed, and go), I drove to campus listening to Nirvana and wondering why it was so cold. I went through all of my classes, and had a Hell of a time staying awake during P.E.; it was my last class of the day, and I really just wanted to go home and sleep.
After classes, I came home, slept for almost two hours, got called into work, and was stuck at work from 4 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. That shift was freakin' terrible. We had someone from corporate coming today, so we had to make sure that everything looked decent. And I somehow got behind with closing duties, so that didn't help any.
I was feeling pretty low after work. I could have had a night off, on my couch, with my sister and mom. Instead, I was at work, doing all of this last minute stuff, until 11:30 (two hours after we normally leave). I got to sit with my sister for a grand total of 45 minutes before she went to sleep. I showered, wanted a blueberry bagle but couldn't find one, did my laundry, and sat on the couch alone until I went to sleep around two. My night DID improve, but it still didn't feel very awesome for a little while.

Today I slept in until noon, dragged myself out of bed, and ate a PB&J sandwich since Rachel made some mix for one.
I sat on the couch watching her get ready to go out, and hugged her before she left with Ben. I talked with Kimmi for awhile, ate some Mac n' Cheese, made a small lunch for work, and have to get ready to go to work in one minute.
To my understanding, Mason is coming over again tonight after I get off, which is exciting.

Tomorrow I get to sleep until noon, and see John (hopefully).
I'm hoping to get to see Eric sometime this week (I said that I would kidnap him Sunday, but I'm not sure how that'll work since he didn't answer) because I'm pretty sure I miss him.

I'm off Monday, and Tuesday through Saturday will be filled with school and work.

Okaay, that's all I have time for today.
I need to get ready and go to work.
From 3 to 9:30.