2/28/2010

A few bad days Does Not equal a bad life.

If you kept up with me this week, you know I've had a pretty bad week.
Cold, losing a friend, period, drama...
Those things came together at one time and hit me, trying to bring me down.
And it worked some; I honestly didn't think that my week would get any better.
Every day seemed to come with it's own little negative surprise, and frankly it was hard to keep doing what I need to do within my daily life.
Finally, yesterday, the sun figuratively started shining.
Today, it was literally shining.

Yesterday was the first day that I started feeling like a normal human being.
I went to my class, napped, worked out, cleaned my room, and hung out with the most awesome guy ever (even though, yes, he is pretty confusing/frustrating at times, and is only my friend). We ended up going to Subway with my sister and her, uh, guy, and then to WalMart after we dropped them off. After a bit we watched "Run Lola Run," and ended up wrestling and he beat me. Because he's strong. But I can still take him. Or I'd like to think so. I'm still pretty sore from that leg lock he had me in... but I made his nose bleed to make up for it. Still sorry about that, though... poor nose. He left around 12:30 or 1, and my sister's, uh, guy left shortly after.
I ended up staying awake until around 4 a.m., and sleeping through my only class today.
Mom woke me up at 2 p.m. and asked what time I had to work.
5 p.m. is when I had to work, so I chilled around the house and got ready and whatnot for work.
Dad showed up after a little bit.
I filmed a quick video for a collab video to tell Ningmaster Tom of Nerdfightaria to feel better soon.
Work was a normal shift, and we were out of there by 9:30.
I went to Taco Bell after a bit, and watched a movie with mom and Rachel.
My friend Amanda called and we chatted for a minute, and made plans to hang out on Tuesday.
After awhile, Rachel put in a movie for us to watch.
And it's 3:15 a.m. Good thing I don't have to work until 3:30 p.m.

Anyway, the point of this blog is this:
Whatever bad moments, days, weeks or months come by, I know my life isn't a bad one.
I have people that love me, and care about me, in my life, and I have amazing memories that involve these people.
I have a house to live in, and an awesome immediate family to call mine.
Even though I'm lost right now in regard to my life plan, I can rest assured that my life is, usually, a good one.

How is yours going?

<3

2/25/2010

Talk to My Soul

Today at work, there was a customer that I had to do a price check for.
I was, at that moment, a little frustrated, but was able to help her through the process of figuring out the prices for the items in question.
At one point, she picked up a journal for $2 and, after the price was confirmed, said "I need a journal... I need to talk to my soul."
I replied with "I hear ya, I talk to my soul on a regular basis."
I don't know what her reaction was, but I'm hoping that she doesn't think I was making fun of her, because I was actually serious.
Journaling and blogging are great ways to reflect and get an idea of who you are, get a status on your soul, thoughts, views, personality and everything in between.
Yes, it can get you into trouble if someone else reads something even the least bit offensive, but at least you know who you are and get an idea on how you're handling things.

Speaking of, I'm still in the negative mindset.
I haven't planned for the "Where am I going?" subplot of my life, and I haven't edited my novel any more than I did last week.
I haven't had any of the three discussions that I should have with people, and I'm dreading each and every one of those discussions. I'm trying to put them off until I know I can handle having them, and right now I'm too apprehensive about them and I'm sure that if I tried to have them I wouldn't use the right words or use the right tone of voice. I am, however, most likely having the first of three tomorrow, so fingers crossed for that to go well.
My belly button hurts again, and it's annoying.

I AM feeling a lot better...
My period is no longer trying to murder me, and my cold is almost gone.
So theis is a positive thing...

I need a pick me up, anyway.
Blah.

<3

2/24/2010

Good and Bad

I realized just a second ago that the reason that I find it hard to blog is this...
I was reminded that people actually, you know, read it.
By typing up the blog I did last week, and angering a friend to the point of her basically kicking me out of her life, I realized that I'm not just talking to myself.
When I blog, I blog to keep memories alive or get things that are plagueing me out in the open...
I don't want to keep some things inside; it takes too much energy and I'm so out of practice that I honestly don't think that I can do it...
I'm used to being open and honest and letting my feelings out, and I do it so freely now that I don't realize how it could reflect on me, and how people could percieve the openness and honesty as a bad thing.
I blog for me - to keep my sanity - and forget that I actually have a few readers.
As a result of this, I lost someone.
It makes sense, but I don't think it should hinder my release process.
Maybe I should just be more aware of the things that I say and do, like I declared to do at the beginning of this year (and obviously it isn't going very well because I fire off at the mouth and write angering things).

Also, I feel like the desire to write has left me.
I've tried going back and editing the novel that I hammered out in November, and honestly I'm embarassed by it.
The whole point to editing is to get rid of the embarassing story points/plot holes, but I think there are so many of these that by the time I'm finished there wont' be much left.
I feel that I should just give up on this novel, and go on to the next one.
Then I think about how half of my life is based on half-assing it, and that I should just go ahead and edit the damn novel; it can only take a month or so to edit the second draft, right??

On another note, I'm freaking out about my life plan.
Again.
What's new?
Everytime I figure it out, someone says something to make me lose the excitement that I had about figuring it out.
I went from being excited to scared shitless in a matter of two days.
I don't know where I'm going, or what I'm doing, or why I'm doing it.
All I know is that I need to keep pushing forward, and seek guidance soon so that I can keep the momentum going.

Highlight(s) of the day:
- Getting to finally change into my pajamas, and wearing the fuzziest pair of sponge bob square pants pajama pants ever.
- Andy come over for our "study party," and us chatting with my sister while actually studying. Genius.

Lowlight:
- Finding out that I work tomorrow instead of having it off. Bummer : /

Okay, I think that's it for today.
Hasta Luego.

<3

2/23/2010

Keep Going

I've been in the lowest of spirits the past couple of days.
I don't feel like myself.
It could be the most saddening combination of PMS, sickness and losing a friend that's causing it...
Actually, I'm sure that's it.

The losing a friend thing is kind of my fault.
and by "kind of" I mean "it is."
Well, partially, anyway.
I don't want to say any more than that.

Other things are happening to brighten up my life...
I've been hanging out with Andy and Alex more; our times together are usually very fun.
I have the most amazing best guy friend in my life, even though he is also one of the most confusing human beings on the planet. We had a mini adventure recently which I am trying so very hard not to talk or blog about, because I don't want to ruin the moment that we had, even though it caused some confusion on my side.
Classes are going decently, though History would be going better if I would just study.

You know. I am so out of practice with this blog thing that it doesn't seem second nature anymore.
Maybe it's because I feel like I can't be as open and honest in a blog that's so, well, out in the open.
I don't know. But I hope my blogging ability returns to me soon.

<3

2/16/2010

Life

Up until five hours ago, I didn't know where I wanted to go within my life.
Last night, my mom asked me why I can't just be a novelist.
I don't think anyone can start out JUST being a novelist, unless they write super well and can convince others that they do.
A novelist is something that I would love to be; I have three books at the moment lodged in my brain, and I'm sure there are more untapped ideas hiding out, but I don't think I can start off just doing that.
When I told my mother, she suggested that I could substitute teach.
THIS is where the lightbulb clicked.
I can major English, minor in Creative Writing, substitute teach and write novels. It just seems like a life that I would love living, plus a significant other.
I'm actually excited at the moment to get my life to where I can do that.

<3

2/15/2010

Valentine's/Single's Awareness Day

Instead of agonizing over whether or not I could find a date, or get a boyfriend, I invited friends over and we had a small party.
It was a lot of fun; there were several good jokes made and several fun moments.
Except some of it wasn't so fun.

I mean, apples to apples, drinks, junkfood, and great company outshine the bad moments, but I want to take a moment to focus on them.

I apparently got very mean (unintentionally of course) and I remember one of my friends being kind of mean to me in return. I could have cried, and I almost did. I couldn't figure out where to sleep because one of my friends passed out in my bed, and one of my friends seemed to not want me to pass out in the living room, and another was asleep on the couch, so the Hallway it was; it was actually comfy for the 20 minutes at a time that I layed there. There was conflict within my self about one of my friends, who I have feelings for, and the other, who I suspected of trying to hook up with the aforementioned friend; I don't know why this seemed like a big deal at all, because even as I sit here typing about it I'm rolling my eyes and going "Oh Kimbra, you're so dumb." I felt sick for awhile and tried passing out in the bathroom, but no dice; I don't think I could have slept even if I wanted to - feeling sick usually keeps one awake.

Other than the previously mentioned moments, my night was amazing. And no, none of those moments are a big deal - there are so many more good moments that counteract those and make it a great night in my book. I just needed to get the bad ones out of my head and into a blog.

I stayed awake until ten this morning chatting with my two girl friends and watching my still drunk mother wander around the kitchen, poking fun at her speech impediment and making sure that she didn't hurt herself at the same time.

I fell asleep whenever they left, and I slept until 1:40, showered, got ready for work, and worked from 3 to 7:30.
When I got home, I got on my desktop for a bit, relocated to my bedroom, watched "Jersey Shore" (which is my newfound addiction), worked out, finished "Jersey Shore," ate, and am now typing this up.
I lead a very interesting life, huh?

I can't think of any better way to spend my Valentine's Day.
I don't need a signifant other to complete me, to shower me with chocolates, to snuggle up to me.
I know that would be lovely, but until that happens Valentine's Day is just another day, and to be lived like any other day.
I'm not bitter about it - just realistic.

As a side note, it snowed in Texas!
It snowed for the entire day on Thursday, and it stopped on Friday morning.
We got a good 10+ inches of snow...
I made a snow angel in my back yard, a snowman with my friends, and another snowman with one of my other friends and my sister. The second one was cuter, but both were equally fun to roll up and decorate.
Need to find the marbles I used for the eyes and mouth, though...
Also, I lost a pair of flip flops in the snow out back... Hoping that they're alright out there : /

As another side note, I need to clean up my house.
Several things about it are driving me crazy right now...
I just haven't made the time to do it, and I've been rather busy entertaining people and having fun.
Need to take my off day tomorrow and do some housekeeping.

I suppose that's it.
I'm honestly hoping this blog is a decent one; I'm kind of just typing it out and hoping for the best.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
(technically for me it's been over for two hours, buut oh well.)

<3

2/11/2010

Been a long time...

I think it's been at least a week since I updated...
I won't go into the details of every day for the sole reason that I don't know what they are.
Here's a half-hearted list instead...

- World Lit: We had to write an essay over what we would do if we had one week left to live. We read "Everyman," and I skipped the class in which we discussed it. We had our first test a class before that. We're learning about "Doctor Faustas," and I'm convinced that the main character is a crazy nut.

- History: It's all about taking notes and trying to memorize the details that you're given. We took our first test in there the last class, and I'm not sure that I did so well.

- BCIS: The work load hasn't slowed down, and I'm sure that it won't. I had 19 assignments due the other night by midnight, had two due the next night that took me about an hour and a half to do, and I think I have more due by the 14th. Awesome.

- Film Apprecation: I really love this class. We got to watch Star Trek the last class, and discuss it. It's totally worth waking up on Saturdays at 8 a.m. And our professor is really funny. Whoo!

- Work: Work has been getting bumpy, but it's okay... I just need to learn not to nap after classes, and how to get ready. I also need to learn how to clean up the store in a more detailed way faster... Yeeeah. I recieved a text earlier today telling me that it's a snow day and to take the night off... I sent one back that said "No more beautiful words have been sent through a text message." Haha.

- Social Life: I love my social life as of late... I've formed a kind of 'los tres amigos' group with Alex and Andy, which is awesome. I participated in a shaving cream fight a day or so ago, and on another occasion met a very nice local police officer. I played pick up sticks and dominos with Andy the other night. And today it snowed! Jake, Sammi and Brandon came over, and we wrestled in the snow, made snow angels, made a snowman, and threw snow balls... I love snow days!

- Free time: It seems like I hardly have any of this, but I know I have more than I can handle. I spend most of it catching up on sleep, since I don't sleep until 3 or 4 a.m. on any given day. I do Wii Fit and work out. I shower. I do homework. I make youtube videos. I facebook. I read TFLN (texts from last night)on a regular basis now. I haven't partied in awhile, but I'm having one on Saturday. And I blog, but way less than usual unfortunately.

- What bothers me lately: Getting ignored by people until it's a conveinant time for them to talk. Getting blown off. People getting married when they a) have known each other for 9 months and have been dating for 3, b) have a bad relationship beforehand and think that it will resolve everything and c) have NO idea how hard it can be (I'm not saying that I have any idea of how marriage is, but I think I have a better idea than these people actually getting married. Holy cow). There's a group of people trying to get the lawmakers to make divorces illegal, which is a) against some sort of personal freedom, I'm sure, and b) a really bad idea - what if they're in a marriage where the husband beats the wife, beats the kids, the wife is crazy, or either spouse cheats and ends up finding happiness elsewhere? I'm not saying any of that is good, but it happens.

- What excites me lately: Getting that extra ten minutes of sleep and still getting to class and work on time. The snow! Hanging out with my friends. Getting nice comments on my Youtube videos from people that I've come to care about and admire. TFLN.

I guess that's all.
I guess this blog was more in depth than planned.
Good : )

<3

2/02/2010

Happenings & Becoming Ke$hafied.

So John's that one night went really well.
We ended up chilling at his house and watching "The Hangover."
I came home around midnight and had a couple of friends over.
We played Pin the Tail on the Donkey with a spin on it, and one of them started puking at 5:30 a.m.
One of his friends came and got him, and I passed out on the couch with my other friend sitting in the floor watching a movie.
My second friend left around noon, and I managed to control my body enough to come flop into my bed.
My first friend came over and got his car, and ten minutes after he left I was hunched over the toilet, puking my guts out.
I spent the rest of the afternoon attempting to feel better: I showered, threw up again, tried eating bread, tried eating toast, sat in my bathroom floor for awhile with my laptop nearby for entertainment purposes just in case I puked again, and ended up feeling well enough to go to work around 4:30.
I sat on blog TV and watched Mr. Adam do his broadcast. Love your work, sir!

I hung out with John recently enough; he and I basically chilled with my family and watched "The Princess Bride."

I've hung out with Alex and Andy quite a bit lately which is fun.

I cancelled on a couple of friends last week because 8 o' clock a.m. classes are kicking my butt, but I think I'm getting the hang of it.
In reality I'm not, but I'm trying to think positive.

Classes started for me, and I rather like them.

Different topic entirely:
I don't know how it's happened.
I was so anti-Ke$ha months ago.
Sure, I, like many, was blown away by how catchy Tik Tock is, but that was as far as my interest in her went.
I didn't understand one of my friends obsession, and didn't understand why several of my facebook friends insisted on posting links and such to her music.
Then I heard "Blah Blah Blah," which just happens to be MORE catchy than her aforementioned song.
And then, on accident, I listened to her entire album.
And that's when I realized that her music isn't bad. At all. In fact, it's funny and actually a little good.
I still don't like Ke$ha... I hate that I have to include the dollar sign every time I go to spell her name. I dislike that she's scraggly and insists on being sort of trashy. But I couldn't find anything wrong with her music.
Oh man. I've been Ke$hafied.

... Anyway, on to more important things.
Well, maybe not so much important as higher priority...

Classes are still going well, except that I skipped World Lit Monday.
That was because I didn't go to sleep until 4:45 a.m. Monday morning and had to wake up at 6:30 a.m. that very same morning.
I attended History and was actually capable of coherent thought throughout that class.
I lost my focus toward the middle of BCIS, and could barely comprehend the lecture. I left when she dismissed us early, and skipped World Lit; I was already tired, and knew that if I stayed I would only get worse.
I had to fight my eyelids the entire way home, and pulled into my driveway around 11.
I came back to my room, fell asleep, woke up around 4 that afternoon.
I woke up, worked out, filmed a video, visited with Andy, chatted with the family, and Andy and I went to a friend's later that night.
We ended up going to Wal Mart, getting Taco Bell twice, chatted, filmed a crazy video, watched "The Hangover" managed to turn it into a game, went through some "Never have I ever" questions, and ended up crashing around five this morning.
I woke up eventually to text messages and a phone call, but managed to roll over and get comfortable again, despite sharing the couch with Mr. Andy.
I came home in the mid afternoon, unloaded my car, showered, facebooked, did a History quiz with Brandon, did three BCIS assignments, watched Tv with the family, worked out, watched "Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs," and came back here around midnight.
I am now attempting to settle down so that I can attend all 3 classes tomorrow.

Probably just taking notes in History, going through another lesson in BCIS, and I have a test in World Lit over Oedipus Rex.
I also just found out that I have 29 assignments due in BCIS by the 7th. Awesome. /sarcasm

I don't know what else I can say...
So I think I'm going to wrap this bloggity up.

Ya'll have a great week!

<3