9/29/2010

Life Humbles Me

Instead of updating (though I will include something that happened recently), I'm going to take a minute to explain the title.
Or, an entire blog post, which may take longer.

I try to keep my existance pretty low key. I don't draw attention to myself most of the time, with the exception of my youtube videos. I just want to live, do my own thing, be with people I love, do what I absolutely need to do each day, be spontaneous other days, and be lazy when I can. Despite this, life constantly finds ways to remind me that I'm just a person, and that it can be pretty difficult.

I make mistakes. I will be the first to admit that I am only human, and that I am not the least bit perfect. This doesn't bother me at all; in fact, I rather like it. I've heard that trying to be perfect all of the time is a huge burden and I don't feel the slightest need to bring that upon myself. Also, I believe that the only beings that could /possibly/ be perfect are God and His Son. If perfect is inacheieveable, I don't want to work for it.
It is because of these countless mistakes, however, that I am constantly humbled.

I grew up doing actions and receiving consequences.
Don't do what dad asks you to with no arguements? Screaming, followed by some sort of tantrum on his part.
Throw a block at your sister while playing catch and it hits her in the head? Spanking.
Say a cuss word because you heard daddy say it first? Spanking.
Say a worse cuss word in front of your band director in high school as you pass his office? Stern lecture.
Drive too recklessly while your parent is in the car? Get smacked in the face.
Be a pain-in-the-ass teenager? Get kicked out, only to be welcomed home and lectured a few hours later.
Smack your sister? Get threatened with being kicked out, and being carted away by the police.
Drink too much alcohol in one night? Spend half of the day the next day hunched over a toilet and wondering when you will just die already.
Make poor choices in significant others? Grow up thinking that there is something wrong with you personally, and that no one could possibly like you that much, ever. Feel continuously beaten and battered emotionally because of said poor choices. Walk away from religion and spend years trying to figure out if/when you should go back, or whether or not you want to follow the basic principles that religion had to offer.
Have fluffy hair, glasses and braces at the same time? Get picked on up until Freshman year of high school when all three things disappeared.
Don't get a slip signed by a manager at work? Get a piece of paper saying "hey, you did that wrong" and sign it.
Don't pay attention while you're walking up the stairs? Fall UP said stairs, and bruise your left knee (yes, this happened on Monday on my way to take my first Math test).
Don't choose your words carefully? Arguements will surely ensue, as well as hurt feelings.
(Note: All of the above examples are true, and obviously in some cases I deserved the punishment. In others, I did not.)
(Note 2: I've obviously had time to work through the self-esteem/religious issues that are a direct result of some; I'm okay now.)

That very last example is something that got me in trouble yesterday, and honestly I do not feel that I deserved what happened.
There is a manager at work who is up front, honest, blunt, and doesn't hold back many of her thoughts. In other words: We both have the same problem of not having a filter in our brain.
She was being very negative and rude all night long about little things. She griped about what we needed to get done, our customers, her employees, etc.
After a brief lecture while in our breakroom (I was in the back putting something away, started sending a quick text, was talking to one of the other employees, had a huge headache, was feeling nautious, and needed some water after putting the stuff away; she lectured about how breaks and lunches shouldn't happen after 7:30 and how she needed people on the floor and if you weren't on an actual break and still in the breakroom she will write you up), I asked her to "Please stop taking your frustrations out on us."
Needless to say, she did not like that.
She started retaliating over our walkie-talkies, and I made the mistake of being in the back area still when she went to put something away.
The resulting conversation went more or less like this:
"You know what?" she basically shouted, "you can clock out and go home."
"What?"
"You heard me."
"What? You want your FES to leave in the middle of a shift? Is that what you want?"
"Yes! You have a bad attitude and you need to go home."
Somehow we reached the point of her saying "If you want to stay, put your cell phone away and get to work."
She exited the back, and I went back to the breakroom for a split second before heading back up front to do my job. I should have left, and I wanted to, but that would have reflected badly upon me - when a shift manager sends you home, that is never a good sign to the store manager; they automatically assume that you did something wrong despite your side of the story.
I worked the last two hours with every intention of leaving after I finished counting the registers. The last two hours went decently, and she was nicer than she was the first four.
I was going to do my particular job, and get the Hell out of there and away from this woman. Again, I didn't; that would have reflected poorly on me if I left them hanging.
I helped put scrapbooking go-backs away after I finished, and we all exited the building around 10:30.
(Side note: Mason came over afterward and we had a lovely dinner at IHOP, which made my night so much better. I really like him.)

In this scenario, I could have kept my mouth shut. I should have, probably, in order to avoid what happened. In past experiences, I've learned that keeping your mouth shut doesn't get you into trouble. In this one, I felt that I needed to say something; I can only take so much negativity before I crack. As a result, I was yelled at, which is not okay, but is alright; her fit seemed to pacify her and make her competant enough to do her job and actually care for her employees.

What consequences will result from this? I'm not sure yet. I'll find out today, around 2 p.m. when I go up to work to speak to the store manager. My coworker has already done so, or will do so soon. I've been informed that the shift manager from last night has already made it seem like cell phones were the biggest issue, which is just not the case.
I'm hoping that the store manager will listen to the situation and handle it accordingly. I don't know what he should, or can, do since he's temporary. I will request not to close with her in the future, however, and if he doesn't adhere the request I will ask him to promote someone and I will, eventually, put in my two weeks notice. This job, however much I need it, is not worth being degraded and treated unfairly.

I'm ready to handle anything that happens. All of the punishments and consequences have taught me to expect said punishments and consequences from, really, any action. I've learned to go with the flow and roll with whatever happens. I'll be fine and work with whatever outcome occurs.

Despite the fact that all of these "life lessons" and "humbling experiences" happen, I feel that I'm a better person because of them. I don't resent life, or God (anymore), for handing me these situations. I'm a much better person because of them, and I know that I will come out of this much stronger than going in.

<3

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