I'm Okay

I'd rather hate you for everything you are,
Then ever love you for something you are not.
I'd rather you hate me for everything I am,
Then have you love me for something that I'm not.
- "Never Enough" by Five Finger Death Punch

I realized that the last thing I posted may have caused you to worry about me.
I'm really fine; honestly.
I go from being apprehensive to being fine to being apprehensive to being fine all of the time, so this is nothing new.
As you can tell, we're still connected via the Internet, so nothing has happened yet.
It's still early on a Monday morning, so it takes everything I can give to be grateful about this fact. : )

The only major events that have happened with the past few days were night One and Two of Freakers Ball, which is a concert almost like Edgefest except for 1) they are hosted by different radio stations and 2) this one was Halloween themed and a TON of people dressed up.
Night one was pretty cool; I took Mason, Rachel and Ben, and we got to jam to Papa Roach, jam to a few Seether songs, and listen to a few Godsmack songs before leaving. We almost got Papa Roach's autograph, and had we not listened to the guy who said that they cut the line we would ALL have it, but alas, that's not how it went. We were disappointed because Mason and I are almost life-long fans of Papa Roach, but oh well; at least we got to see him play. And I got a t-shirt that I'm wearing at this precise moment. Heck yes.
On the way home we stopped by Walmart for a ton of fruit that Rachel and I haven't had before (Mason is compiling a list of foods I haven't tried and asking me to try them - most are fruits and veggies), and I ended up liking a lot of what we purchased. I like peaches, plums, strawberries, and pears. What? Who am I?

Night two was just Mason and I, and we saw Murderdolls (who I had NEVER heard anything by before this; they were decent), Alice Cooper (who put on a good show, yet I was falling asleep during his set. I need to have blood work done soon to see what's up with that), and ROB FREAKIN' ZOMBIE! Rob Zombie was the entire reason we were there, so we were pretty pumped when he finally got on stage. Mason and I stood up and jammed to his awesome music the entire time he was up there, and left with everyone else when his set ended. I went in search of a gas station because my low fuel light came on, and we stopped by Arbys for food and WalMart for plums on the way home. By the time we got to Walmart, Ham and Cheddar was everywhere, and I kept finding more cheddar as we made our way back to my house.
We got home at Midnight, said hey to my sister, I ate half of a plum, and Mason and I went back to my room. We went to sleep fairly soon afterward, because we were both exhausted.

I worked both Saturday (morning) and Sunday (night), and those shifts went alright. I'm off today, work tomorrow and wednesday night, have Thursday off, and then I'm not sure what happens. I need to double check my schedule.

Mmkay, now that we're back to the normal bloggy format, I shall leave you once more.
I'll be back soon, G-d willing.



So Much

There are a lot of things happening that I don't feel comfortable talking about.
Like that there is a pending solar storm that could knock out all communication and electronics, and that there is way more that goes along with that. I'm just preparing for the worst and hoping for the best when it comes to this; I'm prepared to enter a survival mode of sorts, but I'm hoping that it doesn't come to that.

Mason and I are doing well; we went out on a date to "Genghas Grill" last night and had THE most wonderful food EVER. I'm really happy that he got to take me there; it was a great experience with an amazing person. Also, our waitor charged my food as a kid's meal instead of an adult meal, which was awesome, considering it was pretty expensive.
There are other things that go along with us doing well, but of course I'm keeping that private. I've told a grand total of three people, and will most likely not tell any more than that. If I tell anyone else, it will be Rae, who I tell everything and anything.
Currently I'm sitting in the downstairs portion of the Library waiting on Mason to return from Upstairs; he's printing articles so that he has hard copies of them. I will be doing the exact same thing very soon (later today, perhaps tomorrow), as soon as I transfer my writing to my laptop, email it to myself, and print it off at the Library (most likely around home).

I'm learning a lot of new things when it comes to what I believe/d, and it all points to one general idea: Everything that I've believed was a lie. It's fine, really; I'm not freaking out about it. it all makes perfect sense to me, and I shall be accepting the Truth very soon.

Classes are going well; I'm finally to a point where I can take a day or so off from homework, which I need. I've been doing homework every night/every other night for the past week, and am frankly sick of it.

And I'm off. I'm sorry that it's been so long, and that this post is not as in depth as usual.
I'll write soon, I hope.

Love you.



A Week? Really?

I didn't realize that I left this blog, without even checking on it, for a week.
I'm surprised that it didn't die of starvation or thirst or go crazy wondering where I was...
Poor bloggy blog.
Shh... Momma's here...

... That was weird.

There is too much to update on to go detail by detail, so I'll try to spare you a lot of them.

I went to classes this week and we've started working out in PE, which is good because I no longer feel bored when I go.
Math is still hard.
Creative Writing has gotten harder because we've switched to poetry which I am not so very good at (we have a poem due tomorrow, actually... wonder what the guidelines are... Hmmm...).
Government is easy, though we took our second test in there on Friday; I think I killed the essay, so that's good.
Speech is getting harder because we're preparing for our very first speech, which I am apprehensive about yet wanting to get over with.

Mason and I played hookie from classes on Wednesday and spent the entire day just hanging out, talking, being together, and we watched "Dan in Real Life" before I went to work. It was a great day, and I'm happy to have gotten to experience that with him.
Speaking of, we finally entered into the OFFICIAL relationship stage, which is nice, and have said and done a few things that go along with that that I am not getting into (because these things are for us only, of course).
I met his sister, her husband and his Papaw recently, which was nice, and I met his dad yesterday. I drove out there after grabbing my novel from John, and had a great day and a half over there. We played video games, watched the Rangers win, had a steak dinner, played more video games (Left 4 Dead II, F.E.A.R II, Halo ODST, Assassins Creed, but not in that order (and I only played the zombie one)), went to bed, woke up, had a good lunch, and I had to come home because I work today.
I really like him. A lot. And I'm very happy and blessed to have found him.

Work is the same as usual; no new drama to report. We had to sign a contract that said we will not talk badly about he company or fellow coworkers on ANY social networking website, and listed all of them by specific name, which I thought was funny and up with the times.

I'm going to work in about fifteen minutes, and Mason will be coming over later on tonight.

So far I'm just living and trying to remember to document certain situations and things and not doing a very good job. Most of it I don't feel I can talk about in an online blog because it's too personal, so I may need to take up journaling. We'll see.

Okay, I'm out of here.
I'll update soon : )



Feeling Great

Last night around eleven o' clock, I received a text from Mason that had three words: "I miss you." I awwwwwwh'd of course; one can't help but feel special and think their significant other is cute when they receive that. So I replied with "I miss you too. Get your butt over here when you get home safely."
And around 12:30 a.m., he was on my doorstep and hugging me.
We chatted with my mom for awhile before heading to bed; I heard about his trip and what took place within these last couple of days.
Kimmi texted me as we were getting snuggly and shared a great piece of information with me that makes me really happy for her. I'm glad things are working out in her favor, and that she's found someone who is, most certainly, worth her time. I spent a few minutes texting with her before getting distracted by other things.
Of course, this is where I leave off and say "and then Mason and I went to sleep."

This morning I had a hard time pulling myself out of bed, but I did it. I did my hair, applied eye makeup, put on workout clothes for PE, said goodbye to Mason and drove to campus, making it to class just in time.
Government was easy as usual, and I've had a free hour to do whatever I want (working on the Diet Analysis Project for PE). I listened to music via Youtube, facebooked, and now here I am.

Right now I'm feeling really good with how my life is going. Aside from the occasional BS at work, things are going really well. I'm getting back in touch with God, or discovering YHWH... I can't decide which is happening yet. I met Mason's family and liked the members that I've met so far, and they seemed to like me just fine. I was further reminded how lucky, or blessed, I am to have Mason and Kimmi and my family as apart of my life; I really, truly, am, and I couldn't ask for better people to share my life with me.

I know, I'm mushy and happy and sentimental... these things happen.
I'll get back to the mundane later : )



A Very Busy Week

I know I've been scarce the past week, but it's only because I've been extremely busy.

Tuesday I did the whole work thing, but I'm not sure which shift. I think it was during the day, and I took a nap that afternoon, and woke up around 6 p.m. Kimmi came over that night, and we went and got Subway. Amanda called while she was here, so I invited her over and we had a girls' night of sorts. We went to WalMart eventually and I ended up buying an office set (desk, filing cabinet thing, mini-book shelf), and we built the cabinet/shelf. I filmed videos of both indeavors, and only posted the shelf one because the cabinet one was entirely too long. The girls left around eleven/midnight, and I ended up going to Mason's friend's house to hang out around, like, one or two. I watched them all play Halo Reach and wrote a quick essay that I forgot about. After awhile we excused ourselves and went to sleep, because it was late and we were really tired.

Wednesday I woke up super early, got ready, bid Mason goodbye, and drove to campus, stopping at Jack in the Box on the way (which was a huge mistake; tooo much food).
Classes went decently that day. PE was my favorite; we had the option of working out on the cardio machines or walking around our track in the beautiful weather. I walked outside while listening to my iPod, and did the designated stretches when I got inside. Everything else that day was relatively normal, though I did fall asleep in speech class during a lecture about our upcoming project; I dropped my papers, causing my friend in there to nudge me every few minutes after realizing that I fell asleep.
Ah, college.
When I got home, I'm sure I napped for awhile.
I have no idea what I did with the rest of this day, actually.
Whether or not I went to the house that Mason was sitting or what.
I'm sure I did at some point; I was over there off and on all week, though I tried to keep my distance so that the boys could have their time.
Pretty sure I slept over at the house, though; I may have watched video game play and did math homework.
Actually, that may have been the night that Mason's friend sat with me talking about my Math assignment until I finished it; he tried to help to the best of his ability, which was awesome.

Thursday I woke up early, came home, crawled into my bed, and slept until noon.
I woke up, showered, started my laundry, picked Rachel up from the swimming pool, waited on Mason and his friend to arrive, got everyone loaded into the car, and we were on our way to my grandma's.
The drive there was nice, and mom was nice enough to stop for food on the way.
Upon arrival, we said hello to my uncle and walked to the river since the sun was shining.
We said hello to the paint horse down there, and visited a couple of relatives.
Eventually we were allowed to go back to where ALL of the animals are (chickens, goats, sheep, pigs, a GOLIATH pig, roosters, and two horses). We pet them for awhile, and went to the dock once we were finished with them.
Uncle Eldon was fishing when we got there, so we each (besides Mason's friend) got to catch a fish (Uncle caught five or six before we got there, so they were biting fairly well before sunset).
We went back to the house and ended up visiting with my grandma a bit, played Dominoes, chatted about Anime (Rachel and Mason's friend's sister are really into it, so he knew about a ton of it).
Mason and I went outside for a bit to look at the stars and be mushy, and went inside after a little bit because I was cold.
After chatting more, we left around 10:30 and headed home.
I spent the night at the other house that night, and after rewriting a stupid Government essay that I didn't remember the prompt to, Mason and I went to sleep. We stayed up for a bit longer comparing the Bible to the Torah, because the desire to do so has been weighing heavily on my mind for about a week. I thought it would go away, but it didn't; the desire to compare and learn more eats at me. I was struck by the idea randomly during PE, and am being steered more and more toward the Torah as the most reliable source of "Biblical" information. I'm interested in seeing where this path takes me.
After that we basically went to sleep.

Friday I woke up super early for classes, got a honey butter chicken biscuit from Whattaburger, and drove to campus.
Classes seemed really long this particular day, though I only had four as opposed to the usual five.
When I got home, Mason came over and napped with me, then we went to get his friend from a college campus (after stopping for ChikFillet). We drove there, found his friend, and drove home. We spent a few hours over at the friend's house being silly and watching them play "Soul Calibur IV." Then they switched to Halo Reach, and it was time for Mason and I to leave.
Upon arriving home, I made room to rearrange my furniture, moved things around, set up my desk, filing cabinet and shelf, put things on them and in them, moved my desktop in here (it's fixed, by the way, thanks to Kimmi) (Mason helped with the furniture, of course), showered, did laundry, and settled in on the couch between Rachel and Mason to watch him play F.E.A.R.
That game is creepy. I don't care who you are, or what you say; it's scary. Watching men who were reduced to creatures skitter around on all fours, like spiders, and kill things isn't anything less than terrifying at two a.m.
We went to bed really late, and woke up early the next morning.

Yesterday morning, I followed Mason to his sister's house, rode with him to CVS then Subway (where we all proceeded to eat some food, obviously), and eventually ended up driving us out to his Papaw's. We spent the morning and early afternoon tearing apart tree limbs, putting them into piles and stacking wood for firewood. We left around 2:10, drove back to his sister's, said goodbye, and I hauled ass to work.
I was five minutes late, but clocked in ten minutes late due to having to change clothes (or pants, rather. I changed my shirt in the car by putting my work one over my t-shirt and taking my t-shirt off from underneath). After counting the drawer, the other FES was free to leave, and I took over. This shift was almost flawless; we had three cashiers and two floor people. One of the cashiers helped with go-backs, and I was able to close all of the registers by 9:30. The others got to leave at 9, when we closed. I came home, took some time to myself, did a math assignment that took almost two hours, dealt with drama here, and visited with Mason for a bit before saying goodbye to him and laying down to write this post.

Today I woke up at 8:45 a.m. in order to be at work by 10. I trained a new guy today on the register, and it seemed to go pretty well. I was able to show him the eccentric side of my personality toward the end, since I started to wake up. The register started encountering problems toward the end of my shift, and I'm not sure how that turned out. I left at three thirty, slept until 5:36, and woke up to John calling and saying "Hey punk ass, wake up. I'll be there in twenty minutes." I dragged myself out of bed, got dressed, and started my math assignment that is due in two hours. When he got here he said "Turn the TV on. The Cowboys are playing. It's fourth quarter." The odd part is that I thought to turn the game on, but thought it was over and done with; apparently it wasn't. The Cowboys lost because of some very stupid mistakes that makes the fans want to strangle them; I had my jersey t-shirt on and changed directly after their stupid loss. John went up to WalMart with me, where I purchased razer blades, and I swung by Burger King for his dinner. He was here for about an hour after we got back, and took his leave so that he could do some homework. I showered after watching "The Amazing Race," and ate dinner after that. Now I'm contemplating what I'm going to write my prose poem over, and how I'm going to go about writing it; I'm not a fan of writing poetry at all, so this is going to be FUN.

Alrighty, I'm finally caught up.
I'll write soon : )



It's About That Time, Eh Chaps?

So I don't know what to update you on and what not to update you on.

I think I left out a few things in previous updates.
Like all of the clumsy accidents I've been having.
I tripped on a HUGE crack in the sidewalk recently and almost faceplanted. Luckily all I did was trip and people behind me laughed. I felt like turning around and saying "You think that was good? Wait 'til I fall down these stairs."
Or that time I hit my head on this new sign that we have at work.
Or the time that I ran four carts into one of the sliding doors at work and took it off of it's track thing (happened tonight).
Or that time that I burned myself with my straightener (earlier this morning).
Or that time that I broke a glass and cut myself a bit on that stupid piece of glass that fell off.
I don't know of any other examples, but I may make this a new segment.
"Clumsy moment of the day."
It'll be at the end of each blog I post.

I've been working quite a bit, and can't wait for my mini-vacation (that starts tomorrow night and ends Saturday sometime).
I'll have a ton of time on my hands, and I honestly can't wait.
That's what I need right now. Time. Time to live and be and think. I don't get enough of that (or, it doesn't seem like I do. I may get more than I realize).

We worked out in PE today and I almost died.
I'm still wheezing from the six minutes of running that we did.
Ben says that's normal, since my lungs aren't used to it, so that's good.
I had to read my story in Creative Writing afterwards, and it was received rather well by the class.
They didn't like my cliffhanger, though. One guy said "Hold up! What happened to mom!? I want to know what happened to mom!"
So I told him.
"Why is he so cold to the kid?"
I told them, and explained the things behind that.
This, my friends, will be my NaNoWriMo work this year. Yes, I've already started bits and pieces, but I have yet to put it together in a novel format.
I'm excited!

I filmed a vlog recently, so you can view that whenever.

I'm hanging out with Kimmi some tomorrow, Amanda later on in the week, going to my grandma's on Thursday, and going to classes slash I don't know on Friday.
Hopefully seeing Mason a couple of times here soon.
It'll be a great few days : )

And that's all I have for you.
I'm too tired to think back to what each day was like.
Just know that I like my life right now. Work is better, and I'm dating this awesome guy, and I have great friends who care about me, and a loving family.
I'm happy, and I like this feeling.