Why Hello

So I haven't updated in a couple of weeks, of which I have been pretty busy.

Oscar hasn't stayed over since that first night; he fit well here, but is more comfortable at his home.

I've been working for the past two weeks with the kids, and let me tell you... it's been chaotic. The first week was all about finding my place in the classroom and the kiddos definitely tested their limits with me to see how I would act. Toward the end of the week, they were listening a lot better. The second week went more smoothly, since I was more established, though we did have a tornado drill where we had to evacuate the classrooms and sit in the hallway. The kiddos have been fascinating to get to know; each kiddo has their own background and way of handling things, bringing new surprises every day. I start my third week tomorrow, which I hope will go very smoothly and bring more good surprises.

I went to the doctor on Thursday morning about my anxiety problems, because they have honestly been getting much worse over the past couple of weeks. I started crying a couple of times, because it's hard to retell things that are bothering you to a complete stranger, and feeling like a freak show because you don't know what's going on with you. The nurse practitioner made me feel like an idiot, saying that instead of having an anxiety problem it sounded like I was just insecure, so that didn't help. The other woman doctor that I talked to was very nice and asked questions to get a better understanding. I explained how tired I am all of the time, how snappy I've been getting because I just can't handle a lot of things at once anymore, how far I feel from my family and Mason (despite the fact that I know our relationships are fine), etc. She left and came back with the doctor about fifteen minutes later, who told me that some of my anxiety symptoms mimic those of depression, and that they were going to put me on this medication (the knock off of Paxel) that already seems to be helping. The doctor said that I'll be having a better time sleeping in about two weeks, which I appreciate because I usually spend half of the night tossing and turning.

I'm going to take a moment to rethank someone who probably doesn't know this Blog exists, the director of my work place. I had a break down because I couldn't get into a psychiatrist, and she was able to console me and help me get the number to my personal family doctor and allowed me to make an appointment. Thank you, so much. Without your support, I couldn't have made the appointment and started my journey toward feeling more human.

The medicine freaked me out for a couple of days. It makes me slightly sleepy, and when it mixes with the Mucinex I've been taking it pretty much knocks me out, so I can't take that very often. At times, I worry that I can't feel emotion, but realize that 'scared' and 'worried' are states of emotion. I didn't cry during "The Hunger Games" like I should have, which is weird; I always cry at sad parts in movies. I got scared during one part, but not as scared as I usually would have. Mason says I'm probably just starting to experience what Stable feels like, instead of having my emotions all over the place like they usually are. I'm actually pretty excited; I'll get to experience Life without worrying all of the time and crying randomly for no reason.

Friday night we had a Passover Seder at Mason's sister's, and ate some lovely delicious food. Saturday we hung out with Besta and Chelsea for the day; we ran a bunch of random errands, saw 'The Hunger Games' (which I genuinely liked), ate at Wingstop, went to Libby's, went walking to a bridge with a creek underneath (and a railroad track near it; I finally conquered my fear of it), then went home shortly after watching an episode of "Glee." Today, Mason and I have been pretty much relaxing; it was pouring rain outside earlier, so it was nice to sleep in a bit and stay indoors. We watched some Netflix, played Black Ops, he's playing Final Fantasy 13, and we got groceries from WalMart during the dry part of the early evening.

I'm suddenly pretty much zapped of most of my energy. I'll write soon.


No comments:

Post a Comment