8/21/2012

What It Feels Like To Be My Own Person

My friend Josh decided that we could no longer interact, so I've blocked him from Facebook. Mason doesn't want me in his life, so I blocked and deleted him from everything that I could possibly think of, including this site if he's signed into his ID, which I'm sure he never will again. I'm learning that if people don't want me in their lives, or can't let me live my own without constantly expecting me to follow a different idea of life, I don't need them. If you can't love and support me, I don't need you. I have lost so many people through the break up process, and even a few that have just decided to walk on out of my life. Life is no different without them, with the exception of Mason, and that's to be expected. Though I've come to the conclusion that I don't need Mason. I may have wanted him in my life, but I do not need him. I'm living a well enough life without having to cater to whatever whim he decides he wants to pursue.

I had my first meet the teacher night last week, and my first teacher in-service day last week on Friday. Both were really fun; I love the parents of the kids that I get to teach, and the kids that I met are super cute and sweet and I can't wait to teach them, and the in-service day was nice since I was able to finally bond with people without kiddos around, and I learned /a lot/.

Single life isn't so bad. I can do whatever I want. I have my own waking and sleeping hours. I don't feel bad for wanting to see my family. I don't feel bad for having guy friends. I don't feel bad for working extra hours. Though I do miss having a constant companion sometimes, mainly having Mason around, I'm learning to live as a single woman again, which, though challenging, is proving to be rewarding.

I made a plenty of fish account, and have met a few really nice guys through that. Mostly it's just talking and figuring out how to be their friend, but there's one in particular that I've met already who I find very attractive and funny and nice. I hung out with him on Saturday (I took Rachel with me as my muscle), and we had a great time just hanging around his house and watching movies, getting free presents for cleaning his room, and he downloaded some games for me to put on my laptop when I get it back from the shop. I've been talking to another guy who is pretty much me in man form, and I'm him in lady form; it's weird what all we have in common. We have yet to meet, but our talks are fun.

I guess, in short: I'm getting back out there, and I'm feeling emotionally normal for the first time in two months. I feel like I'm in a better place faster because I actually dealt with the break up and made my feelings known, and that's awesome; I couldn't wait to feel normal again.

Alrighty, I'm out! <3

8/05/2012

Feeling Better

So it's been a month and a half since Mason walked away, and I'm finally feeling like myself. I no longer lay there crying every single day, and I no longer watch "Toddlers and Tiaras." I no longer send sappy text or facebook messages to him, begging him to take me back. I'm at peace, finally. I realize that not everything that happened was my fault; it was as much him as it was me. I still maintain that I tried very hard to keep the relationship going, so hard that it increased my depression at certain points, and almost wish that I would have walked away first. I was not treated very well, even though he claimed to love me. He may still love me; if he does, he does not let me know he does. Though I would love another opportunity to date him, even still, I would expect him to treat me much better the second time around. I wouldn't take any bullshit.

Other than that, not a whole lot is going on. I've been working any hours I want, getting my yearly checkup at the female doctor's, and doing small projects around the house (cleaning the garage, cleaning out a couple of cabinets, putting towels away, making a dry erase calendar). I've seen a few friends here and there. I got my Defensive Driving out of the way (speeding tickets are so not worth it, by the way). I've been going to see my grandma every other weekend. I've been reading novels, one after the other. I made a cake, and accidentally burned my hand when I tried to take it out of the oven. I got a new tattoo on my wrist that says "Love <3 Yourself," and cut and dyed my hair.

I still love my job, and my kids, and feel like I'm doing a great job at it. I put 100% of my effort into getting the art for the kids ready, giving them the attention that they need, and enjoying them while they're there. Though, as I was going through a hard patch without my depression medication, I talked to a couple of the teachers there and told them everything that's been going through my head, everything that I've encountered throughout my break up and dating experiment, and gossip about me spread like wildfire. I was spoken to by the director, after which I ran to the bathroom and cried for twenty minutes, then went back to work crying off and on for another hour, and I talked to her the next day and cleared some major miscommunications up. That week finally ended, I've finally learned a lesson about who I let in and tell secrets, and I'm hoping to just move forward and enjoy my next work week.

I get to go to Sea World for the first time EVER with one of my guy friends that has been in and out of my life since 8th grade, and I'm very excited because I get to go to FREAKIN SEA WORLD! but also very excited since I get to see one of the people that I haven't seen in forever.

I was just reading through some old entries and realized that I never addressed stuff from them. Mom's ankle is fully healed and fine. We got a Kia Spectra that didn't last long, and traded it in for a Nissan Versa, which we aaaaaallll love. The Versa is our only car at the moment, so I've been getting dropped off and picked up quite a bit from work. Dad did end up going to jail for two weeks, and was back home before we knew it. One of my uncles, however, is in prison for a DUI, and will be up for parole soon.

Alrighty, guess that's all I have to update you with today. I'll write soon!

<3