8/05/2012

Feeling Better

So it's been a month and a half since Mason walked away, and I'm finally feeling like myself. I no longer lay there crying every single day, and I no longer watch "Toddlers and Tiaras." I no longer send sappy text or facebook messages to him, begging him to take me back. I'm at peace, finally. I realize that not everything that happened was my fault; it was as much him as it was me. I still maintain that I tried very hard to keep the relationship going, so hard that it increased my depression at certain points, and almost wish that I would have walked away first. I was not treated very well, even though he claimed to love me. He may still love me; if he does, he does not let me know he does. Though I would love another opportunity to date him, even still, I would expect him to treat me much better the second time around. I wouldn't take any bullshit.

Other than that, not a whole lot is going on. I've been working any hours I want, getting my yearly checkup at the female doctor's, and doing small projects around the house (cleaning the garage, cleaning out a couple of cabinets, putting towels away, making a dry erase calendar). I've seen a few friends here and there. I got my Defensive Driving out of the way (speeding tickets are so not worth it, by the way). I've been going to see my grandma every other weekend. I've been reading novels, one after the other. I made a cake, and accidentally burned my hand when I tried to take it out of the oven. I got a new tattoo on my wrist that says "Love <3 Yourself," and cut and dyed my hair.

I still love my job, and my kids, and feel like I'm doing a great job at it. I put 100% of my effort into getting the art for the kids ready, giving them the attention that they need, and enjoying them while they're there. Though, as I was going through a hard patch without my depression medication, I talked to a couple of the teachers there and told them everything that's been going through my head, everything that I've encountered throughout my break up and dating experiment, and gossip about me spread like wildfire. I was spoken to by the director, after which I ran to the bathroom and cried for twenty minutes, then went back to work crying off and on for another hour, and I talked to her the next day and cleared some major miscommunications up. That week finally ended, I've finally learned a lesson about who I let in and tell secrets, and I'm hoping to just move forward and enjoy my next work week.

I get to go to Sea World for the first time EVER with one of my guy friends that has been in and out of my life since 8th grade, and I'm very excited because I get to go to FREAKIN SEA WORLD! but also very excited since I get to see one of the people that I haven't seen in forever.

I was just reading through some old entries and realized that I never addressed stuff from them. Mom's ankle is fully healed and fine. We got a Kia Spectra that didn't last long, and traded it in for a Nissan Versa, which we aaaaaallll love. The Versa is our only car at the moment, so I've been getting dropped off and picked up quite a bit from work. Dad did end up going to jail for two weeks, and was back home before we knew it. One of my uncles, however, is in prison for a DUI, and will be up for parole soon.

Alrighty, guess that's all I have to update you with today. I'll write soon!

<3

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