4/01/2015

Update

Sometimes I feel better than my last post.

Sometimes I feel exactly like I did.

Depression sucks.

My birthday went well. It was on 12-5. I spent the day playing video games and being lazy in my PJs. I got a few presents and was showered in love.

No recent deaths.

Christmas wasn't as hard as I thought. I got through it by spending the entire day with my family, then getting together with James's family.

I have missed my grandma every day since her death, and every holiday is hard. Her one year death-iversary is coming up... I don't know how I'll handle it. We miss Fang every day, too; I cried recently because I thought I saw him walking up the driveway.

I no longer attend therapy. My therapist and I kept cancelling on each other and I decided to stop trying.

I feel like James and I are in trouble. I'm having a hard time thinking that we are okay. I want us to be okay, but I feel like I'm poisoning us, and him. I feel like he no longer respects me. I feel like I don't deserve respect because I don't always treat him with respect. I feel like an awful girlfriend. I also feel like he is attempting to be a good boyfriend but has his shortcomings. I hope we will be okay. Just need to work on myself, and communicate.

I've seen a few friends lately. I love them all.

Just a quick update before I start blogging every day in April about random stuff.

Love you all.

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