As a human who was raised in an era where doctors are super important and medicine progresses rapidly, I’ve had my fair share of X-rays.

Teeth – Pretty much every time I go to the dentist. I hate them because they have to stick the stuff in your mouth that keeps it open; it feels like plastic cardboard. You have to bite on the plastic cardboard to keep it from going anywhere and grimace into a white camera with a tube that they move within inches of your face. You are not to move. Then there is this necessary, heavy bib put over your reproductive organs because it is proven that x-rays can destroy women’s reproductive systems.

Wrist – I sprained my wrist during ninth grade. I was chasing an ex out of my house because he saw my underwear and I fell at the base of our driveway because I was wearing a long skirt for a band concert; my pantyhose tore. I didn’t say anything to my mom and went to the concert hoping that it would be okay and the pain would go away on its own. I guess the fact that I had to play my clarinet for an hour didn’t really help the pain, because it didn’t go away and, in fact, got worse. I asked my mom to take me to the ER where they x-rayed it and found it to be sprained, not broken, and told me that I couldn’t participate in Winter Guard anymore. I wore a brace to winter guard and participated anyway; I was actually encouraged by Mr. A, the instructor’s husband, to keep going. It completely healed, then I sprained it again upon getting out of my friend’s van after church. Good job, me.

Lungs – When I worked with the kiddos, I was sick off and on for the entire duration. Kids don’t know not to cough in your face or rub their snotty noses on your cheek as they kiss you, and I don’t have a great immune system. After being sick for five or six months straight, with no breaks in between colds, I decided to go to the doctor. I told them that I felt pressure when I breathe and they said they needed to take the x-ray to rule out pneumonia. I wasn’t allowed to wear my shirt or bra; had to in fact wear a paper tank top so that it nothing obstructed the x-ray. I stood and allowed them to do their thing, and something happened with one set so they had to completely re-do it. Turns out I had Walking Pneumonia and was put on bed rest for at least twenty-four hours. I called into work that day and told them I would be back for my next shift. After sleeping all day, I did show up to work the next day and had to take it easy.

Maybe that's not as many as I thought, but lumped under teeth there are probably a million and five x-rays, so...

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